Negativity and Failure

A lockdown for bodies, but minds still wandering... And this distance between mind and body — it’s turning the inevitable pain into self-made suffering. But that’s the downside!! Let’s talk about the upside... the positives through this period. Let’s try to experience these happy realizations: 1. Death connecting us to life People are dying everywhere. It provokes fear of death now and then at every heart, no different you and me. But amidst all these did you realize: We literally experienced our biggest fear Death sitting at home? Gracious we are alive!  Is there a bigger blessing? I don’t think so. Let’s celebrate life with a toast to breath as the biggest reason to smile. 2. Higher sensitivity towards poverty and hunger It’s not only about this lockdown when the poor are dying of hunger. Earlier, most of us could only sympathize. We could not take that one step further — to think about doing something for them. Why? Either shortage of time or our own lives in a turmoil. Now as we standstill, there are more volunteers to think about the poor. This lockdown has taken our sympathies to another level. And that’s wonderful! 3. Turning faces towards the real mirror — Self-awareness We are denied worldly experiences ongoing lockdown. But this phase made us dig deep within to feel ourselves.  The deeper we touch, the darker it feels!! But do you know the sunnier part? At least we are facing the real mirror! We are meeting ourselves everyday. We are knowing ourselves more! No matter beautiful or ugly reflects our face in the real mirror of self-awareness, we are experiencing the taste of our company. It is leading to self-acceptance — the foundation of self-love! 4. Inculcating a new interest Earlier we never got this length of me-time. With a lockdown of direct connections with the outside world, the sharpness of the mind has less to dissect. Maybe it’s time for the soul to reach a deeper dimension without self-judgments. Picking up that half-read old book from the shelf, Tuning-in the chords of the broken guitar, Scribbling emotions in our personal diary,  Pursuing the hobby left out of responsibility, Learning different meditation or yoga practices, Let it be anything that pulls our interest! Who knows, we discover an artist within who flares the life-spark rest of our lives. 5. Connection with smiling nature after decades  Neither money is having the last laugh nor the people. It’s nature smiling! We must feel happy for them.  After all this damage, it resurrected! The air turned cleaner; the tress became greener; the water got purer. Guess what? The renewed nature is blessing us with a healthy life! Do we really need anything else? I feel nothing can draw our interest more than getting richer with nature’s wealth. Let’s celebrate nature, preserve the wealth it’s bestowing! 6. Our battle is always in the inside We have been our comparing lives with people, competing against them. Conveniently we have been blaming them for all the wrong happening with us. But about this time, we are not against outside; we are exploring the truth: We have been battling against our illusions. And it is always about the inside! We are meeting our inner critic... the real audience. And it’s an original ball game altogether. No doubt the battle has got tougher but...

Do you often engage with self-sabotaging thoughts? Do you feel a pang of unusual guilt during most of your life proceedings? Is feeling unworthy killing you from inside? Is fear of embarrassments squeezing your natural emotions? If any of this is customary with you, you often press the button of self-judgments. Which phase is this? The hard times when you find more reasons to self-criticize, less to appreciate yourself. Those scary nights when you either accuse yourself of all the wrong happening with people... or you blame people for all the bad in your life. The times when you want to stay alone, but could not find peace even in retreat. In fact, it sinks you deeper. Around all this, you could only suffer like a victim or feel lonely. I’m sure you are dying to get out of the rut! But before looking for an exit route, let me ask you: Have you ever met yourself wherever you are... wearing your own shoes? What I’m curious about is: You ever stayed with your shallow self in his slumps? Did you ever treat yourself like your best friend seeking advice? Or you just cannot take the self-beating, and you walk away ignorant, without facing yourself in the mirror of self-awareness? What’s stopping to meet the real you? Most likely your mind is overthinking ━ about people, situations... all in the outside world. The more you think, the more you judge them. And those judgments in the outside world are leading to judgments inside. That’s dangerous!! In those mind games, you rarely meet the real you. You just cripple... lost to the outside world. Everyone else controls your emotions, not you. You won't deny: Even if you encounter yourself in this phase, it’s a subconscious encounter, mostly soaked in negative self-talk. Everything during this time just shallows your existence, pushing you well within your unexplored boundaries. Wondering how to surpass this? Your revival setups with a small conscious self encounter Try a simple exercise: Give yourself that me time when you actually step into your own shoes to feel yourself. That zone where there is no one else... not even your mind, not your body. It’s just you talking to your soul! Remember the motive of this session is to feel light about yourself. Wait... before you start, you need to know: You just cannot jump right into your character and start feeling the depth of your soul straightway. I feel there is always a medium to reach there until you are that conscious. Well that medium could be your way of reaching out to yourself. It could be anything which rests you here, in the now, where you are detached outside and connected inside. Playing a sport or Connecting to music, Reading or by Writing, Meditating or by Yoga, Singing or by Dancing, Feeling blessed or Just by being yourself, That’s simply your choice!! Let’s do that... Arrange a small session You with Yourself every day at a fixed time. No one around, just you attending yourself. No thoughts landing anywhere...just sail with flowing time! The session where you try to be good to yourself like you try to be with people. No matter how: deep your insecurities, bad you are hurt, hard you are hit, down you are under... Make sure you host yourself with...

Straight out, it is your way of looking at things and people. Negativity is only the one side of the coin. Yes, there could be many things happening around you that you don’t like. In fact, there are two set of things leading to negativity... Things happening around you, which can be seen by everyone... Every another day, you read the newspapers or scroll down on facebook to find out about the brutal crimes, the freaking accidents, the untimely demises, the deadly diseases, the uprooting poverty and many such incidents to affect you adversely for quite some time. Things happening inside you, which can only be seen by you... It is good to be self-aware but yes, you may not always look beautiful when you see yourself in the mirror. And when you don't do something about the same, it infuses elements fuelling negativity. Those elements are jealousy, comparison with others, pervert thoughts, materialistic addiction, self-harming thoughts and so on. Interestingly, there is a sub-category in this aspect. And this category is negativity because of expectations. Always remember that expectations from people and of people, both infuses negativity. It is because sometimes the expectations are fulfilled and sometimes not. And when the expectations fail because of betrayals, broken trusts or failures, it's by-product feeling induces negativity. If are not a victim of it yet, keep sailing the way you are. And if you have gone through it, not a problem either. The only thing is that you learned it the hard way. The good thing about these things happening to you is that it teaches you the best of life lessons, if you are ready to perceive it that way. The worst part... When you cannot stop and change the wrong happenings, it leads to negativity. See, there are different kinds of people living on this planet. All are different and somewhere that is the cause of stability as well. If you ask me how to get rid of it... You cannot change the course of nature. Everything is not under your control. But yes, you are fully in control of the things happening around you and inside you. And if something is happening wrong, be aware of it and take the responsibility of changing it. Nonetheless, what you can do is see the other side of the coin; THE POSITIVE SIDE. There could also be people who love you. There could be many things and situations which are favorable to you. There could be your credentials and achievements, which might give you a sense of pride and self-motivation. Friends, why are you not able to feel and realize it? The reason could be you are too busy sniffing the negativity than to count your blessings. What else you can do is start expressing your negativity in any form, be it by speaking out, writing, exercising, be it any form as you look. But never retain it inside. You know, expressing negativity in any form is also your deliberate attempt to convert your negativity into positivity. Time for some Practical Realizations...  Look, the ideal conditions are not...

Do you only feel negative emotions?Are these customary?Sadness of missing someone;Dejection by a betrayal;Heart-broken after criticism;Fear anticipating failures;Anger out of low self-love; I’m sure you taste many such experiences offering you the taste of different negative emotions.And yes... any of these emotions are powerful enough to make anyone feel negative. I am sure it’s a bad taste when you feel negative.No denial sometimes it’s a walkthrough hell. But before you criticize any of the negative emotions, please knock your memory door and ask yourself:Did that experience..where you felt the negative emotions... taught you a life lesson?Somewhere deep down inside...you’ll accept it has... in fact a profound one. So now tell me:How can feeling negative emotions be bad when they teach you beautiful life lessons?In fact, feeling negative is vital to realize the essence of positivity. Sounds silly, it’s not:Allow me to share how feeling negative emotions opened the floodgates of positivity in my life: There was a phase when I was completely down under. Depression had hit me so hard I was under the influence of anti-depressants.And it was just a matter of time even those pills stopped soothing. My moment of hitting the rock bottom was when I felt I have lost myself forever. No doubt that moment was shit scary than anything else I ever experienced. But there's also something good to share about the moment...As I had nothing more to lose, I set myself free!I was feeling free, a lot relieved.I had lost all my ego... and I always felt happy while grounded!This was the time I started different forms of meditating... and met my all-time favorites... Mindful Meditation. Practicing mindful meditation taught me an art...To become an observer of my thought than to participate in it. It is then when I realized:Negative emotions are best of friends. Just a call away from any of each other; they are never lonely.  Ironically, when they are together; I feel deserted! The emotion hosting other negative emotions in my mind was jealousy. I was jealous of: smiles reflecting happiness on most faces. (I could not afford one) calmness by which many people perceived losses. (It amazed me many times) fearlessness in the eyes of a few people while facing unfavorable situations. (I tried but never succeeded) tirelessness and freshness some people carried throughout the day. (It seemed impossible) conscious minds extracting their fullest potential. (I could only dream of it) souls reflecting contentment and fulfilment. (I never felt blessed) I was possessed by negativity... must confess that was my darkest phase!My feelings were only responding to negative emotions; calls of each positive emotion got unheard. It was that time when I wrote: Suicide must not be a proof of depression.Yes that's how deep I was sunk. Wondering what led to my life transformation?Continuing meditating... continuing exploring slums of mind.It took me a while to perceive an obvious observation I was neglecting. I observed:I was not the only imperfect! I am not alone who feels negativity! I understood each individual has a shortcoming.The person joyful with family could be rude to his employees. The ones who extracts the fullest mind potential may not...

In the fight between positivity and negativity, we wish positivity emerges as a winner... always!  Ever wondered why? A general impression of negativity is bad. For this reason, we want to stay away from it. As the grass on the other side looks greener, we end up longing for positivity without realizing what feeling negative can offer.   What is feeling negative? Is negativity as bad as you think? When I say feeling negative, I mean feeling the most common negative emotion affecting most of us — Sadness. You won’t deny wherever there is negativity because of any reason, we feel sad by default. And if you think feeling negative is bad, let me tell you it’s not. Be it a health issue, monetary loss, an adverse relationship, negativity is an alert notifying something is wrong which needs a fix. In fact, feeling negative bestows you with life experiences which teaches you profound life lessons. Don’t believe me? Here’s more courage to you: “The key to happiness - or that even more desired thing, calmness - lies not in always thinking happy thoughts. No. That is impossible. No mind on earth with any kind of intelligence could spend a lifetime enjoying only happy thoughts. They key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don’t become them. Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person.” ― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive Allow me to share: 5 positive lessons from Feeling Negative Negativity unleashes the other side —  Positivity Ever wondered why is seesaw-ride enjoyable?  The rider doesn’t hold on to either of the highs or lows of the ride for too long. Or else the ride gets boring. Life is no different. It’s an emotional seesaw ride switching ends — from positivity to negativity and negativity to positivity. And life goes on! Where's the problem? Most of us ignore the fact feeling negative is as real as death. For instance— when we suffer a failure, a criticism, a bully, a loss...it's natural to experience negative emotions. But because of ignorance, we do not accept negativity. What I mean by non-acceptance is we quickly look for solutions to escape without analyzing the whys and hows of feeling negative. Beware! this approach sinks your ship soon. You cannot identify the reasons for feeling negative. What worse, other negative emotions invade in the shelter already created by the mind. Eventually, negativity becomes an integral part of us and positivity becomes a fantasy, an untouched dream. This way, neither you allow negativity to teach you a life-lesson, nor you taste positivity. Is this what you want? Well... surely not! What you need to know: Everyone is on the same leaky boat. Negative feelings hit everyone now and then. It is as customary as going to the loo. So just take it easy and respect the natural phenomena. Keep in mind, only the acceptance of negativity enables you to unlock the solutions to get out of it. Yes... only when you accept the pain, you’ll find the pain relievers. Please stop fighting...

Simply, Indecisiveness is the inability to take a decision. An indecisive person is confused whether they should take a left, a right or to stick with the current position. The positive side of it is that we have the liberty and option to chose. In fact, there is no problem in taking some time to choose the right option. However, things get complicated when we spend too much time evaluating the pros and cons associated with making the right decision. Let us try to comprehend the 7 reasons for indecisiveness and the ways to counter it: 1. Prolonged thinking  The foremost reason is thinking too much in the evaluation of the pros n cons attached to the decision-making. It creates a never-ending confusion, which refrains us from taking a decision. Solution- No doubt, it is important to think before making a decision but let us not over-think to create a mental blockage wherein our mind loses the ability to decide.  2. Too many available options  Many a time, the delight to savor several choices turns out to be an upset. The flickering mind creates a chaos inside the mind, which adds to the inability to decide. Solution- We need to understand that we cannot have everything. Let us respect the options available, and chose the one which is our priority.   3. Fear of choosing wrong  At times, the indecisiveness is because we fear that the decision we would take might prove to be wrong. This apprehension keeps us away from inclination towards a choice. When we fear failures, we start recalling our previous decisions which proved wrong. Subsequently, we unnecessarily put extra pressure on ourselves to take the correct decision. Solution- We need to sink into mind that failures are the gateways to success. Let us not allow the past failures to affect our current decision-making process. 4. Thinking 'what people will think' Sometimes, we want to please everyone with our decision. As a result, we start emphasizing too much on the people’s opinion about the options available.  In the process, our ability to take the right decision gets hampered. Solution- There is no harm in listening to everybody, but we also need to realize that people are never short of opinions and suggestions. Let us never authorize anyone to decide on our behalf. And also, let us stop getting affected by what they will think about it.   5. Not listening to the conscious self  More often than not, we don't listen to our inner voice, the voice which is right most of the times. When we don’t trust the answers from within us at the first place, it infuses the dilemmas leading to indecisiveness and eventually resulting in poor decision-making. Solution- Rest assured, most of the times, we have the right answer. We need to patiently wait for the answer which is within us, trust our instincts and go with the flow. This way, we enjoy all the credentials all alone and even if the decision proves to be wrong, at least we do not have people to blame. 6. The desire for the ideal condition  If the decision-making is tough, it means there are...

Before evaluating the differences, let's find out the similarity between both the attitude.  Did you notice that both the attitude have four consecutive letters in common-'LOSE'? You know what does it mean? It means that both the attitude(loser/nothing to lose) are provoked by a loss. Now, there are two possible conditions involving a loss.  You are on the verge of losing. You have already lost. Subsequently, when you encounter any of the above-mentioned situations,  it provokes either a 'nothing to lose' attitude or you develop a 'loser attitude'.   An example involving sports where you are on the verge of losing... Two players are playing a game of squash inside two different courts.  The game is of 5 sets. Both the players lose the first two sets. Obviously, the recovery seems extremely difficult hereon. Now, let us try to compare and analyze their respective attitude where one develops a loser attitude while the other develops a nothing to lose attitude.  The one with the ‘loser attitude:’ After losing the first two sets out of five, the person with a negative mindset starts considering himself as a loser even before the result of the game. It evokes fear inside him and he begins saying to himself that he cannot win from this particular game-situation. Eventually, he surrenders to a situation and showcases a ‘loser attitude’ in the subsequent game-set. This attitude fails to deliver miserably, no need to mention the outcome. The one with the ‘nothing to lose attitude.’   A person with a positive frame of mind sees things differently. After losing the first two sets, he sets himself free. Even he starts considering himself as a loser but with a different mindset. As soon as he accepts his loss, he starts seeing it as a different ball game altogether. It evokes a fearless attitude within him as he is already considering himself as a loser. He starts feeling that he cannot go down anymore and plays the rest of the game carefree and stress-free. Trust me, most of the times he is able to turn the tables around from nowhere, and an evident lose turns out to be a surprising victory. Let us consider a monetary example where the loss has already occurred: Two businessmen suffered a huge financial loss in their respective trades. The one with a loser attitude: The person with the loser attitude starts feeling embarrassed and ashamed. He is not able to sink that loss inside his mind. As a result, it never lets him overcome that loss or defeat. That fear of losing refrains him from starting again. As a result, he always considers himself a loser.  The one with a nothing to lose attitude: There is the other businessman who considers it as an opportunity, the opportunity to start from scratch, where he cannot go down beyond it. This attitude allows him to realize his mistakes so that he never repeats it again. Time for some Happy Realizations!!! Friends, we all lose on something at some point in time.  But what makes us a loser or winner depends...

My dear friend, starting from head-tail, good-evil, right-wrong, everything is double-faced. Even a story or a debate has two angles. And you know what, we, the humans are no different. The fact which we all need to get acquainted with is that we have two bulls inside us fighting with each other. Let’s find out who wins? Naturally, our physical body needs food. It is the food we eat which keeps us up and running. Without a second thought, food is the fuel for the physical body. But one thing to observe is the food we eat, the diet we follow is our choice… healthy or unhealthy? And there is a difference in how we feel following either of the diets. While healthy food makes us feel fresh and energy-boosted, the unhealthy food lowers our energy and freshness level. No brainer, you know these things, but there is a reason I am saying this... My dear friend, much like our physical body, which runs on what we eat, our mental body runs on what we feed. I’ll come straight to the point, there are two bulls inside our mind. These bulls feed on two different feeds. Interestingly, only one feed is available at a point. As a result, one bull is always hungry, and the other bull is always full. And so, the fight is always on between the two to get their respective feed. Who are these bulls? Why do they fight? What is their food? Why can’t we feed them together? What is the source of their food? These might be some of your questions seeking answers.  Yes, now the time has come to meet both the bulls... Let us meet the first bull: This bull is always happy, positive, compassionate, cheerful, stress-free, high on inner-self attributes, and hence high on life. I call it the Saint’s bull, which is always hungry for positive emotions. It feeds on joy, gratitude, pride, love which it attracts from the outside world. We can say it is the healthy food which the saint’s bull craves for!!! Let us meet the second bull: This bull inside us is always sad, angry, frustrated, low in inner-self attributes, and hence is depressed all the time. I call it a Demon’s bull, which is always hungry for negative emotions. This bull feeds on hatred, stress, jealousy which it attracts from the outside world. We can conclude that it is the unhealthy food which the demon’s bull craves for!!! Now, when we have met both the bulls, let’s talk about the availability of feed for the bulls.  Situations providing food to the Saint’s bull: The arrival of a newborn Monetary gains and profits Job promotion Success in any competitive field Accomplishment of goals A celebration party These are some situations from our personal and professional sphere in which the saint’s bull gets the feed from the outside world. This is why we feel happy and joyous in these situations. Let us find out the instances which provide food to the demon’s bull: Loss of life of a loved one Monetary Losses Failure in a competition Embarrassments and Criticisms In these situations, the only feed available from...

Do you only feel negative during this lockdown? With pain and helplessness all around, With your self-identity forced to switch roles, With a jolted normal for unpredictably long, The thought pop ups cannot be exciting. Infact most of them are negative... Relax... that's human! And it's not only your story. This is the first time we fall on the same page.  But maybe... this lockdown... most of us went all too far. Let's Address the Problem Fear... Dilemmas... Uncertainties... Anxiety... You are thinking too much about the future.  Overflowing thoughts drive you everywhere you don't want to reach. Now that lays the foundation of a quandary. Because when this unconscious flow of thoughts continues, it leads to mental diarrhea, which soon attacks your emotions.  Ahh... now that hurts! With thoughts already conflicting, this lockdown came up with another challenge... Managing emotions... a bigger task than managing mind. Do you know what's the result of mismanaged thoughts and emotions? Your crude feelings turn negative!! Once your feelings turn negative, no matter how hard you try, you cannot feel happy.  And that's what is happening to most of us.... sitting at homes... having nothing to do.  Bodies are locked down, but minds still wandering. Painful state this... densely negative!  The good news: We can get out of here. Let's talk about the revival now! How to Revive From State Where Feelings Turned Negative? Arrange a session You with Yourself where you are disconnected from the outside world.  No people, no cell phones, no distraction whatsoever... Start with a minimum of 30 min session whenever you get Time. Time... not a difficult thing to find during this lockdown... isn’t it? I agree some of my friends would get offended about that. And that's because there are many samaritans who volunteered to step out of their houses to serve people and nation in anyways. And there are also individuals who could not afford Me time as they were, and still are busy with their household chores. But I must say, sacrifice that 30 min of sleep even if you have to, but during this lockdown, everyone needs that session, that session of self-introspection. So what do you do in that session? Do nothing different! Quitely get back to basics... Remind yourself that everything started with your mind... overflowing with negative thoughts... for an extended period. And that's what touched the depth of feelings. So to revive your positive feelings, you need to get back to your thoughts. Go for it! Just sit comfortably, preferably with closed eyes, and observe your thoughts coming and leaving. Don't pay attention to any. Allow them to pass by. Stop participating.... stop involving with any thought... even the ones you call positive.              We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. — Buddha Why do you stop paying attention to positive thoughts? You might be wondering: No attention to negative thoughts... sounds logical! But why should I stop paying attention to positive thoughts? Because that's a ploy. That's deliberate from the mind to convince you to interact with thoughts. So that you hook to it... and finally get carried away by the flow of it. It's a mind's...

Becoming a father is a boon. Becoming a father of a girl child is a bigger blessing.  most of the fathers know what their daughter means to them. However, having accepted this, I’m sorry to admit that I am not sure whether I want to become a father of a daughter... Here I begin... what I feel and why I feel so!!! My wife is expecting a baby. She is on top of the world. I cannot express how overjoyed she is. Everyone in the family is happy. But if you ask about my feelings, it’s a mixed feeling. Just not able to put it down into words. I am excited but at the same time; I am nervous. I am not sure whether I shall be able to justify the responsibilities of a father. One thing which always scares me–responsibilities. I still remember the day she told me she missed her monthlies…. I freaked out; I was shocked. Haha…quite contrary to the response she was expecting. At least I can laugh it off today. Now she is 6 months pregnant and yes, the feeling of a to-be father has completely sunk in. It’s not that I had to accept it and so such a feeling. No, not at all. To be honest, it’s a magical feeling. All the fathers and to-be fathers can know how it feels when your wife makes you feel your child’s kicks inside the womb. Not to forget the feel of topsy-turvy movements, swear on God, apprehensions if any, are flushed out at that time. Everyone in the family is waiting for that time, they call it the D-day. And now, my family along with friends and relatives are asking us, what are you expecting- a boy or a girl? One of the few big things they want to know from you at that time. Well, my answer to them is clear, ‘I don’t care, only my child should be healthy at the time of birth, that’s it.’   Huh...... really? Do I feel this way? Does my mind has the same clarity as my words? Well, I am sorry but I am not sure. ‘I don’t care’ is what I always believed but not today. There are a lot of uncertainties and unanswered questions today. Don’t worry about my wife’s choice because they will not judge her choice. But somehow I think if a to-be father wants a son and not a daughter, he is judged and questioned. And the same is happening to me. I fear that everyone, including my family, will judge my decision.  But now, it’s high-time I need to tell the reasons behind my answer. Moreover, I want to answer on behalf of many who think alike but prefer to stay silent. First of all, I am not a male chauvinist. I am not that dirty narrow-minded pig who supports gender inequality. No, I am not looking at a maybe-son as my successor and to tell the truth, I am strictly against the dowry system. Rest assured, I am not killing my maybe-daughter inside the womb either. I respect...