I fear to become a father of a daughter, not ashamed to accept it.

This is a heartbreaking open letter from a to-be father to everyone...

father and daughter

Becoming a father is a boon. Becoming a father of a girl child is even a bigger blessing as most of the fathers know what their daughter means to them.

However, having accepted this, I’m sorry to admit that I am not sure whether I want to become a father of a daughter…

Here I begin…what I feel and why I feel so!!!

My wife is expecting a baby. She is on top of the world. I cannot express how overjoyed she is. Everyone in the family is extremely happy. But if you ask about my feelings, it’s a mixed feeling. Just not able to put it down into words.

I am excited but at the same time, I am nervous. I am not sure whether I shall be able to justify the responsibilities of a father. One thing which always scares me – responsibilities.

I still remember the day she told me she missed her monthlies ….I freaked out, I was shocked, not surprised…Haha…quite contrary to the response she was expecting. At least I can laugh it off today.

Now she is 6 months pregnant and yes, the feeling of a to-be father has completely sunk in. It’s not that I had to accept it and so such a feeling. No, not at all. To be honest, it’s a magical feeling.

All the fathers and the to-be fathers can completely understand how it feels when your wife makes you feel your child’s kicks inside the womb. Not to forget the feel of topsy-turvy movements, swear on God, apprehensions if any, are flushed out at that particular time.

Everyone in the family is waiting for that time, they call it the D-day. And now, my family along with friends and relatives have started asking us, what are you expecting- a boy or a girl…one of the few big things they want to know from you at this time.

Well, my answer to them is clear, ‘I don’t care, only my child should be healthy at the time of birth, that’s it.’  

Huh……really? Do I really feel this way? Does my mind has the same clarity as my words?

Well, I am sorry but I am not sure.

‘I don’t care’ is what I always believed but not today. Yes, there are a lot of uncertainties and unanswered questions today.

Don’t worry about my wife’s choice because her choice will not be judged. But somehow I think that if a to-be father wants a son and not a daughter, he is judged and questioned. And the same is happening to me. 

I fear that everyone, including my family, will judge my decision. I will be called narrow-minded, my thinking will be called cheap and shallow, depending upon how different people perceive my answer as per their understanding and mental boundaries.

But now, it’s high-time I need to tell the reasons behind my answer. Moreover, I want to answer on behalf of many who think alike but prefer to stay silent.

First of all, I am not a male chauvinist. I am not that dirty narrow-minded pig who supports gender inequality.

No, I am not looking at a maybe-son as my successor and to tell the truth, I am strictly against the dowry system.

Rest assured, I am not killing my maybe-daughter inside the womb either. I respect women and my love for my maybe-daughter will be unconditional and unbiased. 

I know she will bestow me with divine happiness. She will be more responsible than a son.

She will be the biggest blessing I could I ever count on. I’m sure she will be one of those rare individuals who will remember me after I am gone.

Then why? Yes, you might be wondering then why a boy and not a girl?

Till this time, you might have also started judging me. And so the reasons behind this confession on an open platform is very important.

I hope you have the required courage to withstand my reasons…

To tell you the truth, I am scared!

I’m scared because the things which are happening around me, the news which I have been reading in the newspapers indicate that this place is not a safe place for my daughter. I never felt it earlier but I have started feeling it now.

I guess you might have got a piece of what is coming up.

And here I begin…Please get ready for some of my strong heartfelt realizations…

I am sorry, but I will fear the intentions of :

  1. her brothers with whom she will play and spend time alone.
  2. her uncle who will shower his warmth and love towards her.
  3. the car driver or the bus driver who will take her to school.
  4. the domestic helper, plumber, electrician, carpenter, and the like.
  5. the teachers and tutors in the academic and non-academic fields.
  6. her boss and colleagues in her workplace.
  7. the touch of her male friends.
  8. the person whom she will love or the one who will promise her to become her soul mate.
  9. her husband and his family.
  10. To sum up, every one of opposite gender.

Yes, I will fear the deserted roads and streets in the late evenings surrounded by no one but perverts and sadists. I fear the society who will restrict her from living her life the way she feels. I will fear the prying eyes, the dirty minds…and everything.

However, I am not at all sorry about my thinking because this is what I am seeing and experiencing around me. This is what I’m reading in the newspapers and listening to the news channels.

This is what is happening across the globe.

The video below about the ‘plight of a woman’ says it all…

Talking about the rape culture, the frequency in which rapes are happening, the brutal ways in which the rapes are happening, the ones who are raping(acquaintances), the ones who are getting raped(1-year-olds), the time it takes to prove the accused guilty, the law system in which juveniles are not convicted…I’m sorry but it is actually promoting rapes.

The accessibility of such news is actually forcing me to think that the rape of a one-year-old is wrong but the rape of a 25-year-old is acceptable. Yes, I am sorry to say it but my mind is getting affected and infected.

The word ‘rape’ has become familiar to an extent that it has started sounding fine. Those days are gone when the news of an instance involving rape used to cause me sleepless nights. 

There was a time when the thinking about the trauma she has been subjected to, led to goosebumps. And today, so commonly, openly and frequently, we are talking about it.

I pity myself and feel helpless as very less I will be able to do about all of these people, situations, and conditions. I fear whether she would understand me when I will get conservative and protective towards her. 

All things in perspective, her life journey will be nothing less than a battle. I am sorry, but I fear whether she would be able to win that battle.

Indeed yes, I would love to become a proud father of my daughter but I am not sure whether I want my DAUGHTER to open her eyes and breathe in this patriarchal world and I am sure that she won’t be sure either.

My Final Realizations…

I know, this thinking of mine is not a solution either. And we need to do something about it quickly. Protests and campaign after the crime have taken place is not doing any good. Creating awareness so that it does not happen is important. And that awareness has to be initiated within oneself, by oneself.

So before it gets too late, let us stop waiting for it to happen to ourselves to provoke a realization. Let us start comprehending the pain of others and feel it so that we start acting on this alarming situation.

I don’t think stepping into their shoes will be difficult. It is because we all are surrounded by women in the form of mother, sister, daughter, girlfriend, wife in our personal spheres.

Let us not forget that we exist because of the existence of a woman. Let us save the most beautiful creature alive on this planet to save the planet. Let’s make it a better place for daughters so that no father or a to-be father of a daughter fear anymore!!!

These realizations are intense and painful…Let us start acting on the situation to make it a Happy Realization.