We must love ourselves and rate ourselves high as an individual, neither feel superior nor inferior to anyone.
Better said than done…
We all face a time in our life when we feel lonely and isolated. This time is extremely difficult to withstand and if it is prolonged, it breaks down our inner-self attributes mainly our confidence and esteem. And as a result, when we don’t dwell inside our own aura, and others influence becomes dominant on us.
Gradually, we start facing situations where our mind initiates comparison with others deliberately. It is the phase which provokes a sense of inferiority-complex within us. We begin to unnecessarily think a lot and finally struggle to maintain a healthy balance between our inner world and the outer world.
We start feeling that everyone is watching us and talking about us. We start overthinking to an extent that we start feeling that everyone is laughing at and mocking us.
To tell the truth, it is the time when we start judging ourselves through the eyes of others.
I had read a quote somewhere, “People are going to judge you anyway, make sure you give them an interesting topic.” I can recall this quote haunting my one of the bad phases.
Yes, it was one dark phase when I used to fear people’s judgments as my inner-self attributes were at an all-time low. If we go by the quote, I did not have an interesting topic for them to offer either.
I used to put unnecessary pressure on myself to perform and deliver for them. Jinxed, I failed every time. I feared embarrassment and so I stopped attending public events and social gatherings. Really, I was losing myself.
I begin to wonder, Are we always judged by the people around or there are some mysteries and secrets attached to it? I was desperate for the right answer…and I got lucky one day when I got my answer accidentally.
My heartfelt realizations…
It was that day when I was sitting alone and had nothing to do. I had no one to compare myself with as nobody was around. My thoughts were playing hide and seek with me.
Suddenly, I confronted a thought, a thought which was as good as a realization. I realized that I had the same perceptions about myself which I perceived as people’s judgment about me. What I mean is, people’s judgments were nothing but my self -imperfections creating a fear in my mind about the people’s judgment.
This realization left my eyes wide open. Literally, I could feel the goosebumps. Most of my questions about myself got answered that day.
You know, nobody is perfect but the only problem was that I knew about my imperfections. And it was killing me from inside. Yes, knowing yourself inside-out can also be a problem sometimes. Not only you know about your strengths, you start knowing your weaknesses as well. And when you struggle to rectify your weaknesses, it starts killing you from inside.
That is when I promised myself that come-what-may, I will not relate my imperfections to people’s judgments. I will not allow my insecurities to harm my abilities.
Yes, now I have stopped fighting with my weaknesses. I try to cope up with it than to blame people for it. …And so far, I am doing fine.
Time for some Happy Realizations:
It is not always that people are judging us. To our surprise, the ones whom we think are judging us are not even looking at us. They are not even aware of our presence, leave apart judging.
As it happens, sometimes we start thinking about what others might be thinking about us, to such an extent that we start attracting those things. Ironically, we tend to magnetize things which we don’t want to happen. And so, our diminished aura, poor body language, under-confidence begins to get noticed apparently.
And let me ask you, if we reveal our under-confident appearance to others, how will the people discover how confident we actually are? If we display them negativity, how will they perceive it as positivity?
Nobody possesses this ability except God and the people who know us inside out.
So you see, it’s not people’s fault. They perceive us how we showcase ourselves to them.
And the worst part…
If someone points out that negative attribute of ours which is already haunting us, how painful it becomes to handle it.
As a result, our inner-self breaks down further. And finally, we form a negative opinion for that concerned individual/individuals. Yes, this is how it is.
Let us try to relate to it by some practical examples…
1. Failing to clear an exam
2. A business loss
3. A defeat in a sports match
4.Unattractive physical appearance
5. Struggling career
These are some of the conditions where we start feeling that everyone around is talking only about us and judging us.
Forget these, let us relate to the feeling of getting up late in the morning, where we are already feeling guilty about it. But how worse that feeling becomes when we are pointed out for that by your parents.
Yes…now you got me.
So I say it again, it is not always that others are judging us. In fact, most of the times, we are thinking it but put the blame on people’s thinking. Surprisingly, they are even unaware of your situation.
Ok fine…Let’s say people are actually judging us. Even then, how does it matter? You know, ironically, sometimes this becomes our bonafide problem. Sometimes, we want ourselves to get noticed by others. I do not intend to hurt you but I have felt it on numerous occasions.
An instance you could relate to…
We smartly dress up for a party, confident enough that we are looking charming. We are happy with the way are looking and what we are wearing. Everything is fine till now.
Things change when we begin to seek compliments from others. We want people to talk about us. We want to be the center of attraction. We try to accordingly act for them.
But when nothing works and we don’t get the desired response, we begin to underrate and demean ourselves.
How ironic, first we give them the authority to judge us and then we get adversely affected by it.
There are many such examples but it is the best one which I can recall right now. You can relate to it, especially if you are a girl. Hahaha, sorry…but you have to admit it.
All things in perspective, there are two conditions possible. Either we are judged by others or under the illusion of getting judged by others. Whatever might be the condition, one obvious conclusion drawn is that only we can bail ourselves out of this problem.
Ok, let us try to recall any of our real-time experiences of being on the other side of the table. Let us try to recollect the feel when we were riding high in our inner-self. Did we undergo the same emotions then? Did we use to judge others when we were high in our self-confidence and self-esteem?
No, not at all. On the contrary, we were too busy feeling and enjoying the high that we never felt any judging and prying eyes around.
Yes, this is how life goes. Sometimes we will be on one side of the table and sometimes another. However, irrespective of the sides we are in, we must never lose our real identities in the process to please others.
Parameters which complete us as an individual:
- Physical and mental appearance
- Personality and attitude
- Nature and behavior
- Intelligence and emotional quotient
- Strengths and weaknesses
- Success and failures
- Caste and creed
- Family and friends
These are mostly the parameters which define us. We must never feel ashamed of it. In fact, we have to feel proud of it.
Unless we feel proud of ourselves, we will not be able to polish and groom our inner self-attributes. Undoubtedly, it will take time when we surface our lows. Come what may, we have to initiate it and keep pushing the boundaries of our aura.
Remember, when we change according to people or copy them, we can always become a duplicate, but never an original.
Amanpreet Singh is the founder of Happy Realization. From the negatives of depression to the positives of meditation, he loves expressing his experiences and the practical life lessons which he calls his Happy Realizations. He is a guest blogger in esteemed publications like Lifehack, Pick the Brain and Dumb Little Man.