Negativity and Failure

Let us define a loss and a failure. The dictionary meaning of loss is “the feeling of grief after losing someone or something of value.” And of a failure is “an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success.” The difference seems clear but what’s important is how do you distinguish between the two in your practical lives. It is a sorry state that most of us get affected by an everyday failure like a loss. And this is the reason our natural state has become sadness, not joy. Let us find out what is the problem and how to overcome it... Life is a fairy tale only in storybooks, movies, and dreams. The practicality of real life is a different ball-game altogether. Life isn’t easy by any means. But this is not the problem. The problem is non-acceptance of this fact.  Instead of accepting and appreciating what we have got, the desire to what we can get is taking control. In the process, most of us cannot accept the everyday life failures gracefully, without realizing that failures are inevitable.Not only we get disheartened by everyday failures easily but also get immensely affected by it. We don’t realize that we can overturn or rectify our failures. And so, it must not become a cause of botheration. Some of the everyday failures are failing to: get up early from the bed. score good marks in an exam. beat the opponent in any academic or sports event. pass a driving test. prepare good food. hit the gym. follow a good diet. keep a promise of not intoxicating. reach the destination on time. break the rule made to oneself. stand by a commitment to others. to do many such things. Well, these are some of the everyday failures we can monitor.. But the way we are letting these events impact our lives is undeserved. “Failures are the stepping stone to success”...Yes, this proverb is not new to ears but are we implementing it in our real lives? Tell me, who wants problems but take a minute to think who does not have problems? You are mistaken if you think otherwise seeing a person cheerful. There are many cases where their problems are mightier than yours. But, they are happier than you. They have accepted life gracefully, the reason they are enjoying it. On the contrary, You are stuck to things which do not deserve to be a cause of botheration. I dread to think if this is how we feel every day when life is fair, how will we feel in case of a loss which cannot be overturned. I am afraid that we all face such a situation at least once in our life-span. So tell me, how will you overcome that loss if this is your approach to a fairly beautiful life. Let us now move one step further to talk about a loss... We lose: Relationships Money Power or Position Over and above all...Life of our loved ones Well, even the first 3 losses can be controlled or rectified in due course. We can rectify relationships, re-earn the lost money, regain power/position.  But...

Becoming a father is a boon. Becoming a father of a girl child is a bigger blessing.  most of the fathers know what their daughter means to them. However, having accepted this, I’m sorry to admit that I am not sure whether I want to become a father of a daughter... Here I begin... what I feel and why I feel so!!! My wife is expecting a baby. She is on top of the world. I cannot express how overjoyed she is. Everyone in the family is happy. But if you ask about my feelings, it’s a mixed feeling. Just not able to put it down into words. I am excited but at the same time; I am nervous. I am not sure whether I shall be able to justify the responsibilities of a father. One thing which always scares me–responsibilities. I still remember the day she told me she missed her monthlies…. I freaked out; I was shocked. Haha…quite contrary to the response she was expecting. At least I can laugh it off today. Now she is 6 months pregnant and yes, the feeling of a to-be father has completely sunk in. It’s not that I had to accept it and so such a feeling. No, not at all. To be honest, it’s a magical feeling. All the fathers and to-be fathers can know how it feels when your wife makes you feel your child’s kicks inside the womb. Not to forget the feel of topsy-turvy movements, swear on God, apprehensions if any, are flushed out at that time. Everyone in the family is waiting for that time, they call it the D-day. And now, my family along with friends and relatives are asking us, what are you expecting- a boy or a girl? One of the few big things they want to know from you at that time. Well, my answer to them is clear, ‘I don’t care, only my child should be healthy at the time of birth, that’s it.’   Huh...... really? Do I feel this way? Does my mind has the same clarity as my words? Well, I am sorry but I am not sure. ‘I don’t care’ is what I always believed but not today. There are a lot of uncertainties and unanswered questions today. Don’t worry about my wife’s choice because they will not judge her choice. But somehow I think if a to-be father wants a son and not a daughter, he is judged and questioned. And the same is happening to me. I fear that everyone, including my family, will judge my decision.  But now, it’s high-time I need to tell the reasons behind my answer. Moreover, I want to answer on behalf of many who think alike but prefer to stay silent. First of all, I am not a male chauvinist. I am not that dirty narrow-minded pig who supports gender inequality. No, I am not looking at a maybe-son as my successor and to tell the truth, I am strictly against the dowry system. Rest assured, I am not killing my maybe-daughter inside the womb either. I respect...

We might be one of those who confuse between Self respect the virtue and Ego the vice.The reason is simple:Both infuse a sense of pride. What I feel is ego and self respect are the two extremes of a single line. Unlocking the mystery is vital. Before moving to the differences, let us address the two — Ego and Self Respect. Definitions of Ego and Self Respect Ego is negative. It is an emerging belief arising from deliberate comparison of oneself with others.We compare ourselves with both the higher and lower people we consider in terms of money, power, authority, appearance, anything. Either we feel superior or we get hurt. Self respect is positive. There is a deeper consciousness where we commit only to actions that don't cause shame while doing it or afterward. A heightened state when there's self-acceptance regardless of possessions and identities.  I love this citation: “There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. ‘Good pride’ represents our dignity and self-respect. ‘Bad pride’ is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance.” —John C. Maxwell It wonderfully defines the two often confused Ego and Self Respect.Let us jump right into the differences: 15 differences between Ego and Self respect Ego- We bow down to the ones we consider superior to us, and bully/ignore the ones inferior in our adulterated minds.Self Respect- There's a positive attitude where we love everyone including ourselves.Ego- Me only me... there's only self-interest even at the cost of hurting others. What's worse, we are unconscious of it most times.Self Respect- We, we, or after you... We take care of everyone's sentiments, never hurting anyone intentionally. Same time making sure our voice is heard.Ego- We are in constant comparison and competition with others. We desire to beat them anyhow.Self Respect- We don't compare ourselves to others. We aspire to touch our deeper selves.Ego- We deliberately choose the wrong means, opt for shortcuts, be manipulative just to satisfy our ego.Self Respect- Our respect for ourselves is supreme which refrains from committing to the wrong. It encourages to choose difficult paths, the tough responses.Ego- We fear the outside world — people and situations. The reason is simple: Self-conceit is hollow, so we fear any change from the monotony could expose our nudity as naked.Self Respect- We fear no one as there's nothing to hide. We welcome the new through a positive attitude and self-belief. Ego- It dwells on materialistic achievements and alluring drives. We buy an expensive mobile or a new car, it fuels our ego. We feel superior to others. But when we lose money or power, our ego is shattered. There's always dependency for happiness.Self Respect- It is an inner virtue not fuelled by materialism. It is a guiding light from our deeper self independent of the outside world.Ego- It fulfills with negative emotions deriving out of self-pride. These negative emotions are hatred, jealousy, anger, greed, impatience, and the like. We don't hesitate to harm and misuse others.Self Respect - When we ride high on self-respect, we love ourselves and respect...

Though it is common to face the feeling of sadness, grief, and sorrow at some point in our lives, depression is a serious condition which needs to be unmasked and knocked out. Most of us often confuse between sadness and Depression. And therefore, It is imperative to know the differences and take appropriate measures. 14 differences between sadness and depression  The foremost difference between sadness and depression is that sadness is a temporary feeling. On the other hand, the feeling of depression is over an extended period, can last even for a lifetime. Sadness is an emotional pain which is a reaction to situations. The reasons for sadness are apparent. It could be linked to the death of a closed one, financial losses, failures, homesickness, breakups, fight with the best friend, and so on... Depression is a serious medical illness where one is sad about everything. A situation where everything is fine but the person still feels miserable. Shockingly, there is no apparent reason for depression. Yes, you read it right. A person can feel depressed for no reason.  A sad person craves for the moments once rejoiced; they miss the activities which used to excite them. In case of a depressed person, nothing seems to pull their interest, not even the things which used to give them pleasure earlier...  A sad person relates their sadness only to the causes of sadness. They do not trigger their overthinking mode. The intensity of pain is confined to the reasons for sadness. A depressed person is already hurt. And so, they get affected by petty issues beyond boundaries. They overthink about it. In the process, find self-hurting reasons which have no relevance to the primary cause. As a result, the intensity of pain is unbearable. Feel is the essence of happiness. When a person is sad, he/she doesn’t lose the ability to feel. With depression, the person loses the ability to feel. They feel less and think more. In extreme stages of depression, the feel quotient is almost dead, and the person stops getting affected by anything and everything happening around. When a person feels sad, the motive in their life never subsides. He/She does not give up on their dreams, passion, goals, and ambitions.  A person feeling depressed does not have aims and aspirations. They have no purpose in life. They are unaware of where their life is leading to. A sad person follows the routinary sleep and diet patterns. Even if the pattern gets disturbed, it is for a short time span. In case of a depressed person, it lasts way longer than that... the person may become an insomniac or sleep all day…With diet, either they don’t eat at all or keep munching on abnormal quantities at abnormal timings.  With sadness, one does not feel tired and fatigue the whole day, every day. The reasons can be attributed to the causes of sadness. With depression, one does not feel getting out of the bed the entire day, every day. On top of that, the cause of tiredness and fatigue can be linked to literally nothing. Yes, read it right!!! When a person has reasons to feel sad, he will be sad....

Have you ever felt that the fear created by your mind is intense than the actual face of the feared moment? And if you don’t fear it, you respond better being it a spontaneous moment? Let us simplify it. The process where you fear your fear... The problem starts with thinking about the fear right from the outset you get to know you have to face an unusual situation. It soon turns into an apprehension. Your mind distresses because of over-thinking about one thing-the feared moment. As a result, you get detached from the present moment.  But after the actualization of the feared moment, surprisingly you realize that you could have dealt better with it. But the real problem was the fear of fear, with the actual intensity of the problem being extremely low. This way, you never win over your fear, and the fear retains inside you because you did not kill it.  I am sure you have gone through this process many times. A few realizations... Fear has nothing to do with being brave or a coward. Everyone fears someone or something. It even works as a boon as it allows you to prepare to face it.  But the problem arises when you don't do anything about it. You keep fearing that moment until it arrives. This way, you never overcome that fear. Adding to your plight, fearing the fear gives birth to many other negative emotions. Eventually, it kills the essence and feel of the now. You see, it is all connected and is a vicious circle. Reasons you fear...       1. Non-awareness of mind in the present moment You do not live the life surrounding you. Instead, you think either about your past or future. It leads to over-thinking and you lose awareness in the present moment. Eventually, overthinking makes way for apprehensions.      2. Low in inner-self attributes When you are low in self-confidence and self-esteem, you don’t back yourself and trust yourself. Your fear keeps revolving inside your mind, leading to worries and apprehensions.      3. An unpleasant past When you have a troubled past, you don’t have pleasant memories to cherish. You relate those dark instances of the past to every upcoming situation and attach apprehensions in the process.  What do you fear? (This is important...) People It relates to your aura. When you do not dwell on your own aura, others’ aura becomes dominant on you. People define your living and thinking because you are under their influence. You become dependent on them and in the process; you fear people. Straight out solution... When you are right according to you, don’t care even if it is wrong according to people. Just back your right with a positive attitude and confidence.  2. Situation You are usually uncomfortable with the news of facing anything new. The situations which force you to step out of your comfort zone becomes the cause of your fear. Straight out solution... You just need to alter your thinking because unless you welcome the new, you will never be able to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone. And if you want to excel...

Am I right or am I wrong? This question comes to your mind before and after any action. Let us try to find an answer. Dear friend, you have your right-wrong beliefs in different spheres- personal, professional, political, economic and so on. But a person’s life mainly revolves around two spheres-personal and professional. Involving these two spheres, let us take the help of illustrations to unlock the right and wrong beliefs. You can have the right and wrong beliefs about: Situations People Let us take a situation-based instance from the personal sphere... If I ask you... Is God right or wrong? This question sounds weird, but trust me it’s logical. Please answer it… Did you feel that your answer is biased to your current situation? Confused? Let me clear this out for you.  Suppose, your today is a fairytale with happiness all around. No wonder, for you, God is absolutely right! God forbid but assume the other side… You surfaced a sudden loss or a failure. Something shattered your life and there’s sadness all around. If I ask you the same question, God will be wrong. Yes, it happens with almost every individual. Your answer today is dependent on your current situation. You felt it, right? And this happens with most of us. The spontaneity to react to a situation bypasses the concepts of right and wrong.  Let us take the example of people in your professional sphere... If I ask you whether your boss is right or wrong? Your answer will be based on the current tuning with him. The day when he applauds you or offers you incentives or talks about your salary raise, he is right. But the day when he screams at you or overburdens you with work, the same boss is wrong.  The same thinking is applicable when you are the boss...The day you see your employee devoting extra time to work, cracking a deal, achieving targets, he is right... and when he takes long leaves, asks for a salary hike, commits mistakes, he is wrong. One observation drawn is you adjust your right and wrong as per time and situation you are in... Let us find out whether this adjustment is justified… Here’s the interesting part... You are just another person who makes a choice as per your convenience of time and situation. Likewise, others are doing it. And there is nothing wrong with it. My dear friend, you are just a slave to our priorities. Your right and wrong are molded as per time and situation you in. It is all about your priorities and you need not feel sorry for the same. It is the practicality of the real world. And there is nothing much you can change about it. So let us stop judging people and situations, and stop labeling them as right or wrong... An eye opener... When your life is loaded with materialistic options, you might feel that thinking always about the money is wrong. But God forbid, when you cannot fulfill your necessities of life, all you want is money. Now tell me whether you are right or wrong? Will you judge yourself now? I am sure you’ll not… Time for in-depth realizations!!! You...

Simply, Indecisiveness is the inability to take a decision. An indecisive person is confused whether they should take a left, a right or to stick with the current position. The positive side of it is that we have the liberty and option to chose. In fact, there is no problem in taking some time to choose the right option. However, things get complicated when we spend too much time evaluating the pros and cons associated with making the right decision. Let us try to comprehend the 7 reasons for indecisiveness and the ways to counter it: 1. Prolonged thinking  The foremost reason is thinking too much in the evaluation of the pros n cons attached to the decision-making. It creates a never-ending confusion, which refrains us from taking a decision. Solution- No doubt, it is important to think before making a decision but let us not over-think to create a mental blockage wherein our mind loses the ability to decide.  2. Too many available options  Many a time, the delight to savor several choices turns out to be an upset. The flickering mind creates a chaos inside the mind, which adds to the inability to decide. Solution- We need to understand that we cannot have everything. Let us respect the options available, and chose the one which is our priority.   3. Fear of choosing wrong  At times, the indecisiveness is because we fear that the decision we would take might prove to be wrong. This apprehension keeps us away from inclination towards a choice. When we fear failures, we start recalling our previous decisions which proved wrong. Subsequently, we unnecessarily put extra pressure on ourselves to take the correct decision. Solution- We need to sink into mind that failures are the gateways to success. Let us not allow the past failures to affect our current decision-making process. 4. Thinking 'what people will think' Sometimes, we want to please everyone with our decision. As a result, we start emphasizing too much on the people’s opinion about the options available.  In the process, our ability to take the right decision gets hampered. Solution- There is no harm in listening to everybody, but we also need to realize that people are never short of opinions and suggestions. Let us never authorize anyone to decide on our behalf. And also, let us stop getting affected by what they will think about it.   5. Not listening to the conscious self  More often than not, we don't listen to our inner voice, the voice which is right most of the times. When we don’t trust the answers from within us at the first place, it infuses the dilemmas leading to indecisiveness and eventually resulting in poor decision-making. Solution- Rest assured, most of the times, we have the right answer. We need to patiently wait for the answer which is within us, trust our instincts and go with the flow. This way, we enjoy all the credentials all alone and even if the decision proves to be wrong, at least we do not have people to blame. 6. The desire for the ideal condition  If the decision-making is tough, it means there are...

Did you ever feel depressed? If you have, you know there are many medicinal drugs available which we call the anti-depressants. My encounter with depression I was under the influence of depression medication for 5 years. One day I realized those anti-depressants have stopped soothing my mind. And I was in desperate need of permanent solutions. I asked myself: What is the best way to overcome depression naturally? How can I overcome depression without medication naturally?  I  even tried connecting to people whom I thought would comprehend my disorientation to thoughts and emotions. I was not too late to realize: Though it's easy to give theoretical pieces of advice on how to overcome depression, it looks impossible when it comes to its practical implementation. The person who never felt depressed at any point cannot guide you with the remedies to overcome depression. Therefore, it becomes imperative to express yourself to a person who can completely comprehend what you are going through. Bits of advice like try to be happy and stay away from negativity can do more harm than good to you. That's because these suggestions indicate the person cannot feel even 1 percent of your plight. Every depressed person is aware of these bits of advice the question remains 'How?' Here, I shall share a few practices which I followed in my gloomy past and came out of it strong. 14 ways to overcome depression naturally Meditate It is the best way to overcome depression naturally. To be honest, until my mind tasted the meditated feel, this technique sounded very boring to me. Always thought it was a waste of time but once I started practicing it, it was a magical feeling which I had never experienced before. Want to know the best part? I slowly revived my lost feel which made me realize the true meaning of being aware in the present moment.  Check out: 8 meditation techniques for complete beginners Follow compassion Helping others and bringing a smile to the faces of unfortunate people is the best you can bring a smile to your face. Don't believe me? Try it. If you are capable enough to feed the emotional or financial pain of people, never hold back. Trust me, Compassion is a gateway to the feeling of contentment, which is one of the best counter-attacks of depression. Listen to upbeat music It is one of the simplest ways to overcome depression naturally. Music is the food for the soul. Listening to cheerful music not only uplifts the mood but always keeps you away from thoughts. And once you start thinking less, the mind cuts the chords with depressive thoughts.  Eat healthy to feel healthy Your mental health is deeply connected to your physical health. Enrich your diet with food high in unsaturated fat like omega3. And did anyone tell you about the miracle ingredient turmeric? Never ignore its remarkable powers working as antidepressants. Please stay away from alcohol—the silent killer. It is an elusive stress buster. Not only it harms your physical health, but it also ruins your mental health as well. Accept yourself the way you are  Keep reminding yourself you are a beautiful soul. So please be good to yourself.  You need to realize quickly that everyone is wired differently and...

What is depression? While it is common for everyone to surface negative emotions, there are people who face these emotions intensely for an elongated time. Depression is the extreme of mental illness which triggers from a single negative thought and then takes a severe form. It affects both physical and mental health. Sometimes, there is no apparent reason for depression and this makes it even worse. In most cases, it is hard to identify a depressed person. Let us try to figure out the symptoms of depression... 1. Thinking more and feeling less Feel is essential for happiness... Revive the feel! Unnecessary thinking not only leads to negative thinking but also keeps you away from feeling the distinct emotions. 2. Non-awareness in the present moment You are lost in your past or busy thinking about the future. As a result, you don’t feel the now without realizing that real happiness is nowhere except the now. It is independent of the outside world. If your sense organs are not consciously performing the respective roles assigned, you lose the awareness in the present moment. And deny the real happiness. 3. Inability to say no to others You are concerned about pleasing others even at the cost of displeasing yourself. You agree with others even if your inner-self disagrees with it. 4. Waiting for the right moment to be happy You are not happy now. The definition of your happiness depends on people and place. You crave for happiness outside without realizing that it is inside you. 5. Inability to enjoy solitude You don’t enjoy your alone time and fear the loneliness. You are lonely even in a crowd. Find out: How can you convert the feeling of loneliness into solitude? 6. Not content with the possessions and credentials You expect too much out of you and as a result, keep on demeaning yourself. Instead of feeling proud of your achievements, you keep counting your failures. You keep coming hard on yourself, lose self-respect and self-esteem in the process. 7. Comparison and competition with others   Instead of feeling blessed by comparing yourself with the people less privileged than you, the grass on the other side is always greener to you. You tend to attract negative emotions like jealousy and fear in the process, and eventually, begin to call depression. 8. Too much emphasis on physical appearance and physical health You over-think about your physical appearance and physical health so much that it infuses stress and fear. Gradually, you kill the love for yourself. Again, it is a gateway to depression. 9. Severe and frequent mood swings It is common to encounter mood swings. But when you encounter it frequently and abnormally, there is a lot to ponder upon. It is an eminent sign of depression.  10.The illusion of being judged by others You fear the judgments of people and so your subsequent move is according to people. It never allows you to do whatever you feel. You dwell inside others’ aura. 11. An unfresh tired mind You could not feel the freshness of mind even in the mornings. You feel drowsy and your mind is always fatigued for no reason. 12. Habituation to drinking You don’t feel happy unless you...

Allow me to begin with a small composition of mine: Speak Speak speak... you speak SPEAK WITH AUTHORITY, SPEAK WITH CLARITY... make sure you get heard when you speak Irrespective of the language YOU SPEAK... as long as you have a voice, you speak don’t wary the criticisms and the questions ... as long as you are right, you speak Don’t worry about losing them, FOR THE SAKE OF FINDING YOURSELF, you speak. To spit out the negativity, for the sake of positivity... gather courage only once to speak on their face and never behind, as long as they are wrong, you speak FOR THE SAKE YOUR RESPECT AND ESTEEM... SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK... YOU SPEAK Hope you liked it! Let's jump right into the nitty-gritty of expressing: Expressing is an introduction of your true self to the outside world. Whatever you are inside, just exhibit it outside. What you are and whatever you feel, just express yourself. Never feel afraid of it. Always remember: “You were born to be real, not to be perfect.” - Claire Baker And this applies to everyone. When you have the freedom of expression, use it to your advantage. You are probably wondering: Why is expressing important? Expressing is your deliberate attempt to convert the negativity felt into positivity. In the world full of lies and betrayals, it is difficult to stop feeling negative. But you need to understand that feeling negative is not a problem.  The problem arises when you keep that negativity within you and do not express it out. But when you express out, you unburden yourself and flush out the negativity.  To maintain transparency between your physical and mental appearance. In case you don't know: There are two facets of your appearance- physical and mental. Expressing acts as a mirror between the two. It ensures that whatever you feel from inside, you present it outside. This way, you are true to yourself and to others. There is no retention of negative feelings inside you to attract other negative energies. You always ride high on yourself via expressing. When you express your true self to others, it means you value your ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. No wonder, expressing is one of the best ways to develop self-love. The quote above says it all... When you express, you expose yourself in front of others. You reveal your true identity to them. In the process, people might get hurt. Many people might not like you. They can call you rude, offensive and aggressive. They might misunderstand you. However, the ones who deserve to be in your life will understand you gradually. They will accept you the way you are. No wonder, these people will be less. But they will be the ones whom you will find by your side every time you need them. It's your identity, this is the way you always are, independent of the person, time and situation. Feel proud! Look: Being nude is always better than being naked. Sounds silly? It's not: Being nude is your choice. It is when you uncover yourself by yourself. It‘s your discretion to expose yourself to others. It is the transparency you...