Negativity and Failure

In the fight between positivity and negativity, we wish positivity emerges as a winner... always!  Ever wondered why? A general impression of negativity is bad. For this reason, we want to stay away from it. As the grass on the other side looks greener, we end up longing for positivity without realizing what feeling negative can offer.   What is feeling negative? Is negativity as bad as you think? When I say feeling negative, I mean feeling the most common negative emotion affecting most of us — Sadness. You won’t deny wherever there is negativity because of any reason, we feel sad by default. And if you think feeling negative is bad, let me tell you it’s not. Be it a health issue, monetary loss, an adverse relationship, negativity is an alert notifying something is wrong which needs a fix. In fact, feeling negative bestows you with life experiences which teaches you profound life lessons. Don’t believe me? Here’s more courage to you: “The key to happiness - or that even more desired thing, calmness - lies not in always thinking happy thoughts. No. That is impossible. No mind on earth with any kind of intelligence could spend a lifetime enjoying only happy thoughts. They key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don’t become them. Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person.” ― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive Allow me to share: 5 positive lessons from Feeling Negative Negativity unleashes the other side —  Positivity Ever wondered why is seesaw-ride enjoyable?  The rider doesn’t hold on to either of the highs or lows of the ride for too long. Or else the ride gets boring. Life is no different. It’s an emotional seesaw ride switching ends — from positivity to negativity and negativity to positivity. And life goes on! Where's the problem? Most of us ignore the fact feeling negative is as real as death. For instance— when we suffer a failure, a criticism, a bully, a loss...it's natural to experience negative emotions. But because of ignorance, we do not accept negativity. What I mean by non-acceptance is we quickly look for solutions to escape without analyzing the whys and hows of feeling negative. Beware! this approach sinks your ship soon. You cannot identify the reasons for feeling negative. What worse, other negative emotions invade in the shelter already created by the mind. Eventually, negativity becomes an integral part of us and positivity becomes a fantasy, an untouched dream. This way, neither you allow negativity to teach you a life-lesson, nor you taste positivity. Is this what you want? Well... surely not! What you need to know: Everyone is on the same leaky boat. Negative feelings hit everyone now and then. It is as customary as going to the loo. So just take it easy and respect the natural phenomena. Keep in mind, only the acceptance of negativity enables you to unlock the solutions to get out of it. Yes... only when you accept the pain, you’ll find the pain relievers. Please stop fighting...

Are you losing beautiful people in the process of pleasing the social environment? A renowned musician Bob Marley once said: Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. So beginning with, let’s meet the people surrounding you indigenous to distinct environments: We’ll start with the most essential sphere... Personal Environment: Generally, the people from this domain are beautiful. The most admirable quality about them is they can distinguish your real self from your fabrications. Wondering what’s the chemistry you share with the people from your personal environment? A sense of belongingness budding from attachment! And sometimes, this intimacy inflicts unbearable pain. You won’t deny the stronger the connection, the deeper it hurts. But is this attachment a setback? No, it’s not. Come on! They are an integral part of your life; he/she is your life partner, parent, kid, sibling, and friend. You seek and reciprocate love in this sphere. There are certain responsibilities you owe towards each other. You share a strong connect anyway — physical, emotional, mental, financial. Obviously, when all of this is happening, an attachment has to seep from either side. And that’s perfectly fine! No wonder, misunderstandings hurt sentiments on a few occasions. Yes, sometimes obligations are overburdening. There are times when you exhaust fulfilling their expectations. And there are situations when you feel a prisoner because of dependency. Look: No two individuals are the same and sometimes, miscommunications may cause distress in the relationship.  Having said: Stop blaming attachment for covering own inefficiency and incompetence. Do you realize how essential is this bond? Not only the soft cries but this deep attachment also bestows you with blissful memories to cherish. Where losing a family member inflicts pain; arrival of a family member spreads joy. Sometimes these people make you cry; most of the times they offer you a hundred reasons to smile. When an unfulfilled expectation hurts; a fulfilled wish rejuvenates. When they make you realize your mistakes; they are the only ones appreciating your credentials. When they blame; they even apologize. I’m sure you agree with most of the episodes. And for those beautiful reasons, make sure the ego never obstructs your way to a healthy personal environment.  Let’s jump to the next dimension... Professional environment: Much like your personal sphere, you need to make adjustments here too. Most of us are employers or employees in the professional environment; right? If you are an employee, you need to respect your boss. If you are a boss, you need to appreciate your employees. After all, the byproduct is money on which everyone strives. As I always say: Money is not every reason but the first reason for happiness.  The professional environment is a vital sphere demanding your meticulous attention. So yes, blending with the people from this world is your unsung priority. And that’s fine again. But are we done? Did you meet everyone? No, you didn’t. Suddenly from the last few years, a new environment has evolved polluting all the other aspects of your life. What’s that? Social environment: It’s an illusionary environment created by you. It is destroying the habitats of your primary two environments. Social media as a testimony; do you realize how it’s unidentified addiction is mercilessly slaughtering your...

If there were no cameras, every soul would tell an interesting story. Wondering which cameras? The people’s eyes which blink to capture your sadness. Yes, these cameras want a shot of your disappointment because you failed to fulfill their undue expectations. What worse... you are giving them a perfect picture! Let’s find out what’s happening... You take care of our personal and professional environment, what you don’t introspect is your social environment, the major cause of a person’s downfall. Social media has a testimony, I need not explain how it swallows your solitude time. Even I had a fear of people’s judgments. But when I found most of us have the same problem, I thought of digging deep into it. My observation... People are judging you every time and place. Many times, those judgments are wrong and sometimes, salt over the wound. Surprisingly, it doesn't matter whether right or wrong, people's judgments about you are not the problems.  The biggest problem is the way you allow these judgments affect you. The intensity level raises to an extent where even when there is no one around, you still don’t remember your real self.  You stop defining yourself anymore. Your self-awareness is under the illusion of people’s judgments.You become a television whose remote control is with people. To tell the bitter truth, You think for people, feel for people, do for people... you start living for people. What you don’t realize... In the process of taking care of people, you don’t think about yourself. In the process of pleasing people, you are unpleasing yourself. Yes, your social environment is polluting your personal and professional environment. Want to know why it happens? You are aware of people but not self-aware. In the process, what's going around you is bothering you, not what's happening inside you. Imperative to find a solution... To your surprise, I don’t have a solution to your problems! Like always, you have the best solution. But to figure it out, the first thing I suggest is to shift your consciousness from people to oneself. Only then, you could trigger your self-analysis mode to find out why the outer world is over-powering your inner world. What I found out: The fear of people’s judgment is because of insecurities. What you have to find out: Why your insecurities are so loud that your integrity is suffering? Is it a competition or just a comparison? Are you insecure about your physical body or your mental efficiency? Are you fearing people’s judgment or only a person’s judgment? Which environment is getting polluted- personal, professional, both?  Might be any other insecurity, you know more than anybody what exactly causes you fear of people’s judgments. You need to find out that bomb and diffuse it. You'll find different kinds of people everywhere. When you meet them, they observe you. And when you meet them often, they form an opinion about you. And that's completely fine. They'll perceive you as per their understanding. You can't control their mind! But what you can assure is the exhibition of your real self- what you are and how you feel. Big applause to the author who quotes... “People will judge you anyway, make sure you...

We are hooked to a mirror since our diaper days. We love it... right? In fact, a mirror at home is a necessity. Why shouldn’t it be? It is the mirror which makes us conscious of our appearance. I have been stating the obvious but these statements have many untold stories to tell. To begin with, let me introspect you with a few questions... Spare a minute to ask yourself... Is your mirror reflecting your real appearance? Do you really know who you are? Are you proud of your appearance? If any of these questions are triggering your self-analysis mode... congratulations!!!! You passed the self-introspection test. If not, face your mirror at home and ask yourself these questions again. A realization shall pinch you where you'll get to know 'the mirror at your home is lying' and your appearance is deceptive. Yes, not only the outer appearance but also we have an inner appearance which is the intangible face of the appearance. And both the appearances together define our real appearance. The inner appearance... thought-provoking... isn’t it? As they say... “beauty lies within”, the inner appearance is the real beauty of an individual irrespective of their outer appearance. But shockingly, the definition of the word “appearance” to most of us is mere physical looks. Majority of us are not one-to-one with our originality-our inner appearance. And this leads straight to one intriguing question... When the mirror at home reveals the outer appearance, is there a mirror which reveals our inner appearance? Yes, everyone has it... few people use it! Allow me to unveil the mirror reflecting our inner appearance... Much like a mirror at home which reflects our outer-appearance, Self-awareness is a mirror which reflects our inner-appearance. According to Wikipedia “Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals.” It is the mirror which is the real depictor of our appearance. Shockingly, most of us look different in the mirror of self-awareness and the mirror at home. While the mirror at home showcases a new identity daily, the mirror of self-awareness always has a true story to tell. Differences between the two mirrors... Unlike the mirror at home, the mirror of self-awareness does not have a physical existence. It is inbuilt inside everyone. The mirror at home makes us presentable to the outside world while the mirror of self-awareness makes us presentable to ourselves. While the mirror at home reflects our body, the mirror of self-awareness reflects our soul. We might deceive the mirror at home wearing a sheet of lie driven by the manipulative mind. We cannot deceive the mirror of self-awareness driven by the pure soul... no lies, no imitation, no look-alike. Thought provoking... A t-shirt and shorts, messy hair, no lenses or shades, no jewelry, no-belly tuckers, no high-heels... this is the how we are at home, our originality, right? But when we move out, every outing has a new look... different clothes, hair-styles, make-up... all to look beautiful. But does that make you beautiful?  Do you realize you are only changing your looks for the outer world? You don’t realize this way, you’re not beautifying...

The first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night is the same… any guesses? No prizes for the right answer because it’s a no-brainer. Most of us pick up the phone and check for the social media notifications.  The word ‘viral’ once used to describe a fever has a new dimension altogether. Today, it is more of a prefix to social media posts than a fever. No wonder, social media has become an addiction, it’s not a necessity anymore. Please don’t justify the social media addictions. You call it a necessity but the bitter truth is you pick up the phone to check... the likes and comments on your last updated picture. what others have to say about themselves. the friend requests and friend suggestions. to barge into others’ profiles particularly of your ex’s. Most of the times, there is no reason you are on social media platforms. You had nothing to do, so just for a pastime, you keep scrolling down and down. The most suitable time you have found for doing it is sitting on the commode. Let me tell you... there is not much difference between the two addictions... a cigarette in hand and a phone in hand while sitting on a commode. The only difference is that the cigarette reduces the potty-release time, while a phone keeps you glued to the commode. Hmm... now you are relating better! Many of us go for a potty-ride not because it’s the potty calling, it’s the social media notifications calling. And what better, isolated, and a comfortable seat than a commode where there is no one to disturb.  Who knows... a social-media-call gives way to a bowel-call, and it solves both the purposes. I’m not joking, it is happening with most of us.   Time for some bitter ironies: You are killing your precious time looking for friend suggestions on social media while a close friend is sitting beside you seeking your attention.  You are busy building a new relationship on social media without realizing that social media is hampering your existing relationships.  And please don’t say you are on social media to get the news updates. Most of the social media posts do not have an authentic source you can trust upon. Most of the news which you read on social media is propaganda, far away from reality. An instance... You get disturbed by the post topic reading the news of killings and rapes you come across while scrolling posts. The irony is you still click on that post to read the entire story. And when you feel helpless because you could not convert your feeling of empathy into compassion, you get hurt. Your mind carries the burden of that news for an elongated period. I know many people who get affected by such news so deeply that they cannot move on. And in some cases, it may go beyond leading to depression!!! Yes, gluing to social media may also lead to depression. But is that burden of helplessness worth carrying? Is your social media reel depicting the real picture?  No, it’s not... it...

Yes, it is your judgmental eyes which inflicts unbearable pain, which makes me suffer like a loser. It's because you judge me by my smile without realizing the burden of tears I am carrying. Your eyes can only see my physical wounds, but that doesn't mean I'm healthy. I wish you could hear the cries of mental wounds...  You know my problem?  I have not attained that level where I stop getting affected by judgments and opinions about me. Yes, assuredly, I shall reach there one day but for God's sake, please stop until then. I know that I don't have a strong dwelling of my aura where I can reside, but why aren't you allowing me to create a foundation of my aura? Why are you enforcing your aura on me? I'm not asking you to stop judging me, I know you don't have this ability. What I'm requesting you is to judge me only after stepping into my shoes.  Wow..what an irony...instead of pushing me back to life, you are pushing me to death. And the father of all ironies is that you still claim that you care about me. I won't surrender to the situation and commit suicide, but do you just feel that you are responsible for instigating suicidal thoughts inside me. Please try to understand that I am already fighting an intense battle with my capabilities, I am already bleeding so why do you want to bleed me to death? I'm already burning so please stop adding fuel to that fire!!! Don't you dare to perceive it as your dominance over me. I'm getting affected by you because of reasons I'm not sure you would want to hear. But if you are courageous enough, let me clear out the reasons behind my sufferings... I'm tolerating this suffocation because you matter to me...your opinions, your comments, your observations, your judgments regarding me matters to me, it all matters to me. I cannot turn my back on you, I cannot run away from you, I cannot part my ways with you. It is because I care for you, I'm attached to you, and so I don't want to hurt you. But you are not stopping!!! Your judgmental eyes and judgmental lies   are choking my breath. And if this is what you have to offer, I'm sorry but you are forcing me to become you. And my dear, if I become like you, not sure whether you would be able to withstand my honesty. Beware...it is my respect for you talking thus far!!! But if you are not stopping here, then I don't find any option than to be brutal!!! And if you really want to know the reason behind the discrepancy between my physical and mental appearance, be patient...I would uncover my feelings as slowly as I could so that you taste every bit of what I'm going through. Instead of asking me what is wrong, you always call me wrong. Please stop stating the obvious because I was not the same some time back. But did you bother to know the reason?  And when you are judging me through...

Everyone feels happy doing different things. But the basis of happiness remains the same for everyone.  My dear friend,  Happiness is awareness and appreciation of the present moment! Whatever we do, if we can pay kind attention to the present, with an attitude of non-judgment, it bestows with happiness. We feel blessed and appreciate everything, and are less prone to stress and negativity.  A beautiful observation by Gautama Buddha... “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”  Better said than done Everyone encounters many moments when we feel like running away from our present. Some situations are hostile, some moments are just not worth feeling them. If we feel them, we stress more, we agonize more.  I’m sure you can relate to any of the following hostile moments. How can we: feel happy in the present when we are hungry and don’t know the source of the next bread? dwell in the present when we are a failure today? enjoy the present seeing a handicapped beggar lying down on the side street? extract happiness from the surroundings when rapes and killings are happening around? feel the present when we lose a family member in a sudden demise? Seriously, why will we make our lives tougher living in the present when feeling it is already tough?  If this is what you are wondering, let me tell you that your curiosities have landed on the right harbor. Let’s unlock To begin, let me bombard a few questions on you. Were you happy when there was no reason to feel sad? Were you free flowing when life was fair? Was there no ego in your competition before? Were you cheerful when the situations were not adverse? Did you enjoy nature when everything around seemed beautiful? Were you high on life or high on success - if ever it was? Did you forgive your loved ones when they were alive? If you ask me ‘Why feel the present moment when it’s hostile’, I ask you… ‘Did you feel the present moment when it was unhostile?’ I’m sorry but my question is mightier than yours. And it’s taking you to a deep self-analysis, your feelings get hurt. You know why? It’s because you are guilty of playing the blame game on people and situations. And now finding it hard to take the onus on yourself. Now let’s talk about the solution for which we are here. Why feel the present moment when it is hostile? My dear, it’s easy to blame life, situations, people as per your convenience but what’s tough is to bother least about the outside. It’s easy to run from the present, but what’s hard is to stay there even in unfavorable situations. In reality, you cannot escape reality. No matter how hard you run, it soon catches up with your speed, this time with a harder intensity.  Turning away from challenging life by taking the help of medication and intoxication is not a solution either. It calms a few moments but these are not the solutions, just the momentary illusions. Please stop creating your parallel world by opting...

Life is not a race and hence not a competition you can define by winning or losing. It’s an exploration journey, it’s your exploration journey where you are the lone traveller. And because you are alone in your journey, there is no one with whom you can compete and compare with, except one person... yourself.  Someone has rightly said: “If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter, But if You continuously compete with yourself, you become better.”  But are you realizing it? The biggest hindrances restricting self-development today are nothing but comparison and competition with others, without realizing that it is impossible. This is where the problem lies where life-journey becomes a never-ending struggle!!! Be it... a science-subject -scorecard or a cricket-run-scorecard... a debate or an entrance exam... for a government job or a private job... for money or for a position... the physical looks or mental looks... You are competing, not with oneself but with others. Even in the personal sphere... be it the parents, or be it the children... be it the siblings, be it the friends... everyone is competing with each other. It is a sad state but yes, it is happening. And this is what you need to get rid off... But before we move on to the solutions, do you know there are two journeys you are traveling? Yes...you read it right! Your journey is not confined to your out-world travel, but also your in-world travel. Out-world and In-world travel... sounds strange, huh?  So allow me to talk about both the journeys for a better understanding: When we talk about the out-world journey, it begins as soon as you step out of your home. You go to different places, be it your workplace or a hangout place, you are always traveling on your out-world journey. Even the distance you travel to reach these destinations are a part of this journey. During this journey, one thing for sure is that you see new faces and meet new people in your personal and professional spheres. And as soon as you meet them, the first thing your mind does is that it judges them. Those judgments are sometimes out of insecurities, sometimes out of dominance; sometimes out of inferiorities, sometimes out of superiorities; sometimes based on physical appearance and sometimes based on mental appearance. These judgments initiate comparisons where you compare yourself to others. And this comparison gives way to competitions with them. I am sorry but this is happening to most of us. But let me tell that if you are competing with others in your out-world journey, it means you are not traveling well in your in-world journey. My dear friend, it’s time to unveil your in-world journey ...the journey that sets the foundation of your out-world journey, the journey which you don’t travel well. Your in-world journey is nothing but your journey within yourself. It is your self-exploration journey in which you get to know yourself bigger and better. This journey is a gateway to self-realization and self-actualization.  Your in-world journey enables you to explore your positives-negatives, strengths-weakness, comfort-fear, and many other inner-self attributes. You need to travel well in this journey to...

I am dying at 35 but this is not what is hurting me. What’s painful is that when I look back, I don’t recall 35 memories to cherish!!! The journey has not been worth remembering. I am not saying I was sad throughout my life, but yes, I always struggled to feel happy. Never had I felt what I realize now, which is the difference between real happiness and materialistic happiness.  And the irony is when I have realized it, I cannot be happy. I am dying and practically, I cannot choose happiness. I can only miss happiness. But at least you can... choose it now. You might be curious to know what happened suddenly that my life turned upside down? I am literally into tears to pen it down but I will, just to make you realize that today is my turn, likewise, it can be yours tomorrow. And I don’t want you to die like me, just like that. Well... nothing much to tell because it was all good a week back. Just a slight pain in my stomach which led to a couple to tests. Huh... to find what? The final stage of liver cancer with a piece of news... the news that I have a few months, weeks or maybe days left. Hard to live with the fact that I am dying anytime soon. But wait a minute, is this something new I got to know? Is it really news that I might die soon? Was I not aware of it or rather are ‘we’ not aware that we‘ll die one day? I am sure even you know about this inevitable truth but there is a difference between you knowing and me knowing it... The difference is that I can feel it now but I’m not sure you can!!! Sorry to say this but maybe you die before me, trust me it is possible. I may sound weird so let me back it with a testimony. About a month back, I heard the shocking news that a 40-year-old man from my vicinity has been diagnosed with a final stage brain tumor and he does not have much time left. I know him personally and this news left me shattered. I remember I was saying to my wife that 40 is not an age to die. How could be God so cruel? Ha... never dared to imagine that I am dying before him in my thirties. Now I am sure you got a pinch of my taste! This is how unpredictable life is. I close my eyes at night more in fear whether they would open to see a morning... sometimes I wonder what is a bigger challenge? To die gracefully or to live gracefully? Because suddenly I see my definition of challenges transforming.   I could sense the definition of my success changing, which was once to earn bread, and what is now to earn breaths. I could feel a change in my attitude from ‘let it come’ some time back to ‘let it go’ today. I could sense the perception of my future...

‘The bad taste to the tongue is always good for health’. It is a common psyche we inherit from our ancestors and parents. But I am sorry not in this case, not in the case of alcohol. Alcohol tastes bad and is bad for health too!!! A few studies claim if you have it in moderate quantities, it is good for your body. But in this article, it is not the body I am concerned about... the subject in question is ‘THE MIND.’ And if the mind gets affected, the mind-body balance also gets affected.  Sink into your mind that mental health is the controller of the entire human system. And the body cannot be healthy without a healthy mind. And did we say ‘moderate quantity’? Do we mean it? Let us talk practically. How many of the drinkers seriously know the meaning of responsible drinking or moderate drinking? And even if they know it, how many alcohol drinkers follow it?  Let me present a fact before you as a testimony. Deaths caused because of alcohol worldwide is 3.3 million(approx) every year.   Don’t you think the definition of ‘moderate’ in case of alcohol is subjective? My dear friend... the effects and after-effects of alcohol are not the same on everyone’s body and mind. If we talk about the mind, a person gets high in one drink while the other needs a bottle to reach the same state. In the case of the body, metabolism has a major role to play how everybody digests alcohol. And the metabolism of every individual is different. Even in the case of hangovers, a couple of drinks can cause hangover to a person while a person who gulped half a bottle last night wakes up fresh today. If we refer to the scientific studies, two drinks in men and one drink in a woman daily can be good for one’s health. Sorry, but I don’t agree with it. Which health are they talking about... physical or mental, it is not clear? And even if we assume that they are referring to both the health aspects, don’t you think this finding is impractical?  If you ask me, I  say this finding is subjective. Maybe an occasional single drink is harmful to me but your health permits you to have three drinks daily. Maybe you follow a healthy diet so your health allows you to have it. And my diet is full of junky fats, and a single drink can be disastrous. It is different in case of every individual. Even if we talk about the transformation within a person, a daily drinker who gets high in one drink today might need two drinks to reach the same state after a month. And the level seeking the same intoxication might reach to four after a year. The quota keeps on increasing. And now if you ask me who is an alcoholic? Straight out, if you are a daily drinker, I shall call you an alcoholic. Because rarely people stick to the fixed daily count. I know, you are not liking this article if you are a...