Your judgmental eyes perceived me all wrong!!!

An open letter to everybody from my personal sphere who don't know me, but they make sure to judge me!

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judgment

Yes, it is your judgmental eyes which inflicts unbearable pain, which makes me suffer like a loser.

It’s because you judge me by my smile without realizing the burden of tears I am carrying. Your eyes can only see my physical wounds, but that doesn’t mean I’m healthy.

I wish you could hear the cries of mental wounds… 

You know my problem? 

I have not attained that level where I stop getting affected by judgments and opinions about me. Yes, assuredly, I shall reach there one day but for God’s sake, please stop until then.

I know that I don’t have a strong dwelling of my aura where I can reside, but why aren’t you allowing me to create a foundation of my aura? Why are you enforcing your aura on me?

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I’m not asking you to stop judging me, I know you don’t have this ability. What I’m requesting you is to judge me only after stepping into my shoes. 

Wow..what an irony…instead of pushing me back to life, you are pushing me to death. And the father of all ironies is that you still claim that you care about me.

I won’t surrender to the situation and commit suicide, but do you just feel that you are responsible for instigating suicidal thoughts inside me.

Please try to understand that I am already fighting an intense battle with my capabilities, I am already bleeding so why do you want to bleed me to death?

I’m already burning so please stop adding fuel to that fire!!!

Don’t you dare to perceive it as your dominance over me. I’m getting affected by you because of reasons I’m not sure you would want to hear.

But if you are courageous enough, let me clear out the reasons behind my sufferings…

I’m tolerating this suffocation because you matter to me…your opinions, your comments, your observations, your judgments regarding me matters to me, it all matters to me.

I cannot turn my back on you, I cannot run away from you, I cannot part my ways with you. It is because I care for you, I’m attached to you, and so I don’t want to hurt you.

But you are not stopping!!!

Your judgmental eyes and judgmental lies  

are choking my breath.

And if this is what you have to offer, I’m sorry but you are forcing me to become you. And my dear, if I become like you, not sure whether you would be able to withstand my honesty.

Beware…it is my respect for you talking thus far!!!

But if you are not stopping here, then I don’t find any option than to be brutal!!!

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And if you really want to know the reason behind the discrepancy between my physical and mental appearance, be patient…I would uncover my feelings as slowly as I could so that you taste every bit of what I’m going through.

Instead of asking me what is wrong, you always call me wrong. Please stop stating the obvious because I was not the same some time back. But did you bother to know the reason? 

And when you are judging me through your mind, how can you jump to a conclusion without reading my mind? 

And if you don’t know how to read minds, rest assured, you don’t have a good judgmental ability either. So please stop defining me based on your prejudices. Stop ruining my life and as well yours!!!

Please go and find a new pastime for yourself. It’s because your favorite pastime is the biggest turbulence in passing my time peacefully.

You don’t know me. Yes…you got me all wrong dear. I’m myself struggling to find myself, and you say you figured me out.

If you really want to know what I go through every day, come and spend some time with my loneliness. In fact, only spending time with my loneliness is not enough. You need to continuously persuade my loneliness to speak. And if you succeed, my thoughts would tell you a completely different story altogether.

A daunting task for you…I really doubt you have the required patience, and I don’t blame you for this…

It’s your life, your priorities, your bread-butter fight. Sparing time for me might not be on your priority list. But what hurts me is that every time, you draw a conclusion about me by your ignorance.

Yes, I’m enduring and so my present mood is being controlled by the situations today. When situations are favorable, I’m happy and when situations are unfavorable, I’m sad.

Currently, my inner-self is not boosted enough to give me the…

  1. motivated push in my lows.
  2. reason to find happiness even in sadness.
  3. necessary impetus to bail me out from unfavorable situations.

And you are just elevating my problems…

Not only my inner-self is low because of the fight with myself, but your irrational judgments are pushing me to my all-time low. 

You say I have changed. You feel that I am rude to you. But can you feel I’m not good with myself either? 

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Sometimes, you perceive me happy looking at my smiling teeth without realizing that my eyes have stopped laughing. I cannot call you blind as your eyes are working fine, but the problem is you judge me your way, not the right way!

Yes, I stopped getting up early in the morning. I lie down in bed for hours doing nothing. Agreed, most of the time I am in front of television switching channels. I know I have stopped exercising, I have started munching junkies ain abnormal timings. Not to hide, I booze almost every day, and I have stopped going to work.

And in these all, you see me living a lavish lifestyle. Haha, I pity you… It’s because your misconceptions and irrational judgments make you a bigger loser. It is because you are far away from reality, living in your own parallel world.

When I say I have changed, it means I was not the same? When I say I have started something, it means I have stopped something. Can’t you feel it?

You call it intoxication,

I call it the withdrawals!!!

Yes, I’m not high on life. These are withdrawals of the healthy and happy life I used to live, but not now. You see me enjoying life, so easily you call me jobless, worthless, useless based on your mental-level standing, but you can never comprehend what it takes to carry that burden of worthlessness.

My laziness has a reason, my rudeness has a reason, my non-efficiency at work has a reason, my silence has a reason, my carelessness has a reason, my impatience has a reason, my attitude has a reason…reasons which you never care for!!!

No, even I’m not stating the reasons because now, I don’t find you worthy of my confessions.

Poor people, why don’t you understand that this life is not my choice…Happiness is as far from me as you are far away from knowing me…

But you won’t realize it? It is because a realization process involves oneself…but the problem with you is that you are concerned about everything and everyone except yourself!!!

A quote from “Abraham Lincoln” is my eye opener which says…

“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” 

Thanks to this quote, it strikes me whenever a negative judgmental thought pops up in my mind about anybody. Waiting for that day when it becomes a happy realization for you too!!!