As it comes:
Everyone loves appreciation and appraisal from others. Come on, accept it that you like to get praised by others. It is because you get boosted and motivated by those appreciations. Sometimes, you even get flattered by those praises. But, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself before you enjoy those praises and appreciation from others.
A few heartfelt questions:
Are you worthy of those applauds? Do you also sense a feeling of self-accomplishment for the work or action you are getting appreciation from others? Are the ones praising you honestly your well-wishers? If not, then why are they praising you? Is there any hidden motive behind that false appreciation? Why are you not enjoying the appreciation when others are praising you? Do you really deserve those praises?
Huh…That was some quality brainstorming because these questions really are the need of the hour. There might be many How’s and Why’s playing hide and seek with your mind. Let us try to seek the answers.
The search for answers:
First and foremost, sink into your mind that your reason to feel happy should never be that others are happy with your work or action. The things for which you are getting praised should make you happy at the first place. My dear friend, it is absolutely fine when you are getting praised for something which is also giving you a feeling of accomplishment. The praises from others must be worthy when YOU are impressed with YOURSELF. It must be the case where praises from the outer world should be a bonus. You might want it, but you may not need it.
Well, you are quite aware of the fact that how important it is to be self-motivated to keep moving in this competitive world. This feeling of contentment derived out of self-accomplishment always keeps you up and running. But sometimes, even when you don’t deserve the praises, you get it from others.
Who are those people and why are they praising you?
There are some people who heartily want to motivate you. Those people are your well-wishers who don’t want you to feel depressed. These people are your loved ones who want to uplift you in your lows. It is the reason why they are praising you even if you don’t deserve the appreciation.
But there is another set of your appreciators, who are not your well-wishers, the ones I am referring to. Dear friend, you have this ability to distinguish between these two sets of people, but you got to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
Let me throw some light on the ones whom I am referring. Straight out, the move for which you are getting praised is benefiting them, not you. Your move is deliberately planned by them so that you get the praises while they enjoy the results. They are praising you because you are making them happy like you always do. Wake up before its late.
A real-life illustration:
I play squash and there was a district-level squash tournament going on. My opponent in the first round was not a tough competition. Though I won the game, the match turned out to be quite a close one than I thought. It is because I could not perform to my standards. My opponent for the next round, who was actually a tough competition watched my first match carefully. Even he noticed that I made a lot of errors. Surprisingly after my match, he started praising me and admiring my game in front of everyone. Two of his friends there also began to applaud me with him. Poor me was unaware of their intentions behind his false appreciation. Finally, I got flattered by those applauds and lost all my focus and concentration for the game against him. Yes, I lost to him when I knew I could beat him 9 out of 10 times.
Conditions may differ, but if you are getting false praises from others, there is the only solution; STOP ENJOYING IT.
Let us dig into it further with another intriguing illustration.
It’s a story of a cuckoo bird who used to sing and was praised by everybody. A crow who sat on the next tree thought that he should also sing. One day, he started singing and continued singing till night.
All the birds got fed up with his voice. Some tried to stop him, but there were some who took this as an opportunity to take revenge. They started praising him by saying him that his voice is melodious. The crow was not able to recognize the real intentions behind it. They all asked him to sing all day and night.Intoxicated by pride, the crow croaked even louder, day and night. It continued for few more days.
One day his throat got affected. The crow tried harder to sing, but not a single word came out. Eventually, his throat got damaged for a lifetime. He couldn’t do anything about it.
Time for some Happy Realizations!!!
The problem begins when you are not enjoying the things or the results, for which you are getting credit from others. It is not contributing to the causes of your happiness. You may deserve it according to others, but you know it very well that you don’t deserve it. Always remember, ‘an honest criticism is always better than a false appreciation.’
Yes, it is paramount for you only to get and enjoy the DESERVED RECOGNITION. Deep down inside, you must know that you are entitled to it. No one and nothing must bother you if you are content with your deeds. Trust me; satisfaction derived out of undeserved praises from others will be very short lived because it is deceptive. It can evade with a blink of an eye. It is because it was never yours.
Moreover, when you are satisfied with your work, you might want appraisals from others, but you don’t need it. I mean, if you don’t get it from others, it will not affect you. When this is the case, there might be many who can criticize you. Interestingly, you will not get adversely affected by it. It is because you are not bothered about others’ opinion. The power of that positive feeling will be extremely dominant to let any of the extreme negativity affect you.
Therefore, never submit yourself in doing things for others, which makes others happy and simultaneously, makes you sad. We all know that the easiest way to feel happy is by making others happy. Nevertheless, the feeling of contentment by making others happy must match the feeling one derives through compassion. However, if it is not the case, try to smell that somewhere something bad is cooking. The drive for your motivation must always be you and no one else.
Nonetheless, have YOU ever realized what is the cost you are paying to please others? Sorry friends but a hard realization is on its way. You are allowing them to cast your actions inside their molds. Remember, getting praised by others is not a problem but with a simple condition- ‘YOU MUST LOVE IT.’It is not your duty to make others happy. It must be for your happiness and contentment.
Summon into mind that ‘You should express your obedience until and unless it does not hamper your self-respect and self-esteem.’ If this is not the case, BEWARE! They are exploiting you and you are unable to counteract even after knowing it. You do not realize it but it can ruin you. Moreover, even if you have realized, you are not able to gather the strength to counteract. No one else to blame, you have raised the difficulty level to SAY NO all by yourself.
On some occasions, there might have been valid reasons for your helplessness, nonetheless, now you are not helpless because you are bold enough to accept it. Now, you are smart enough to realize it. It may be a tough time to break the subordination but ‘IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE.’ STOP ENJOYING UNDESERVED PRAISES FROM OTHERS RIGHT AWAY.
Amanpreet Singh is the founder of Happy Realization. From the negatives of depression to the positives of meditation, he loves expressing his experiences and the practical life lessons which he calls his Happy Realizations. He is a guest blogger in esteemed publications like Lifehack, Pick the Brain and Dumb Little Man.