Negativity and Failure

The first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night is the same… any guesses? No prizes for the right answer because it’s a no-brainer. Most of us pick up the phone and check for the social media notifications.  The word ‘viral’ once used to describe a fever has a new dimension altogether. Today, it is more of a prefix to social media posts than a fever. No wonder, social media has become an addiction, it’s not a necessity anymore. Please don’t justify the social media addictions. You call it a necessity but the bitter truth is you pick up the phone to check... the likes and comments on your last updated picture. what others have to say about themselves. the friend requests and friend suggestions. to barge into others’ profiles particularly of your ex’s. Most of the times, there is no reason you are on social media platforms. You had nothing to do, so just for a pastime, you keep scrolling down and down. The most suitable time you have found for doing it is sitting on the commode. Let me tell you... there is not much difference between the two addictions... a cigarette in hand and a phone in hand while sitting on a commode. The only difference is that the cigarette reduces the potty-release time, while a phone keeps you glued to the commode. Hmm... now you are relating better! Many of us go for a potty-ride not because it’s the potty calling, it’s the social media notifications calling. And what better, isolated, and a comfortable seat than a commode where there is no one to disturb.  Who knows... a social-media-call gives way to a bowel-call, and it solves both the purposes. I’m not joking, it is happening with most of us.   Time for some bitter ironies: You are killing your precious time looking for friend suggestions on social media while a close friend is sitting beside you seeking your attention.  You are busy building a new relationship on social media without realizing that social media is hampering your existing relationships.  And please don’t say you are on social media to get the news updates. Most of the social media posts do not have an authentic source you can trust upon. Most of the news which you read on social media is propaganda, far away from reality. An instance... You get disturbed by the post topic reading the news of killings and rapes you come across while scrolling posts. The irony is you still click on that post to read the entire story. And when you feel helpless because you could not convert your feeling of empathy into compassion, you get hurt. Your mind carries the burden of that news for an elongated period. I know many people who get affected by such news so deeply that they cannot move on. And in some cases, it may go beyond leading to depression!!! Yes, gluing to social media may also lead to depression. But is that burden of helplessness worth carrying? Is your social media reel depicting the real picture?  No, it’s not... it...

"I found that with depression, one of the most important things you could realise is that you're not alone." ~Dwayne Johnson Did you ever bow down to your mind demons? I have... but that experience taught me the best lifetime-lesson. My life was not a fairytale. But fortunately, my fight was never for bread and butter.  I had every means to suffice my materialistic desires. I had beautiful people around in the form of friends and family. But the ironical truth is I was alarmingly sad with no one knowing it. I had droll people around to laugh with but no one to share my gloomy secrets. My outer world was full of light but my inner world was pitch dark. Unable to recognize the cause, I couldn’t express. A brute force struck my head hard now and then. The occasional was turning into chronic breathlessness. I was deserted in the crowd continuously losing my feelings. Life was asking some tough answers, but my restless mind could answer none. Not that I didn’t think of doc-visit. But which doctor — was always in question as I was unable to classify the category under which my problem falls. The idea to share with someone would soon raise questions — Which person? What would I explain? There were many apprehensive dilemmas consuming my head elevating my problem's intensity. I ignored them all for some time but each elapsing moment was not curbing but exasperating my disorientation. Did I seem so normal to my loved ones or they dumb? Am I over-expecting? Have I become a useless attention seeker? Yes... all of this was bruising my mind — the bruises no one saw. Yes... I finally consulted a psychiatrist. It felt like a hapless victim when the doc diagnosed me with persistent depressive disorder — a  type of depression. Mental health awareness — far away from the educated... My suffering could have been diagnosed earlier and averted. But for the lack of mental health awareness in many including me, what I only knew was a mentally ill person is mad. Discussing mental health problems is still a social stigma in most parts of the planet. Moreover, ignorant people use the word depression so often that the ones who are suffering from it cannot address it. It lays the foundation for a quandary for the one facing it. People are unable to open up about their mental wounds.  Even if they try to express, their words are trespassers to people’s ears. As a result, mind demons never allow the covered wounds to heal. Even the anti-depressants couldn’t revive my feelings... The prescribed pills were more of sedatives and the only positive I could extract — there were no more sleepless nights. But again, I dozed off irregularly for an unusually long period, sometimes twelve hours at a stretch.  It was all bleak with no sense of recovery. And in case you don’t know: Happiness is a feeling. So literally I was losing the feeling of happiness. I was reduced to mere existence. Whenever I  knocked on the sweet-memory door, it never opened. My condition worsened! A boon in...

Life is not a race and hence not a competition you can define by winning or losing. It’s an exploration journey, it’s your exploration journey where you are the lone traveller. And because you are alone in your journey, there is no one with whom you can compete and compare with, except one person... yourself.  Someone has rightly said: “If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter, But if You continuously compete with yourself, you become better.”  But are you realizing it? The biggest hindrances restricting self-development today are nothing but comparison and competition with others, without realizing that it is impossible. This is where the problem lies where life-journey becomes a never-ending struggle!!! Be it... a science-subject -scorecard or a cricket-run-scorecard... a debate or an entrance exam... for a government job or a private job... for money or for a position... the physical looks or mental looks... You are competing, not with oneself but with others. Even in the personal sphere... be it the parents, or be it the children... be it the siblings, be it the friends... everyone is competing with each other. It is a sad state but yes, it is happening. And this is what you need to get rid off... But before we move on to the solutions, do you know there are two journeys you are traveling? Yes...you read it right! Your journey is not confined to your out-world travel, but also your in-world travel. Out-world and In-world travel... sounds strange, huh?  So allow me to talk about both the journeys for a better understanding: When we talk about the out-world journey, it begins as soon as you step out of your home. You go to different places, be it your workplace or a hangout place, you are always traveling on your out-world journey. Even the distance you travel to reach these destinations are a part of this journey. During this journey, one thing for sure is that you see new faces and meet new people in your personal and professional spheres. And as soon as you meet them, the first thing your mind does is that it judges them. Those judgments are sometimes out of insecurities, sometimes out of dominance; sometimes out of inferiorities, sometimes out of superiorities; sometimes based on physical appearance and sometimes based on mental appearance. These judgments initiate comparisons where you compare yourself to others. And this comparison gives way to competitions with them. I am sorry but this is happening to most of us. But let me tell that if you are competing with others in your out-world journey, it means you are not traveling well in your in-world journey. My dear friend, it’s time to unveil your in-world journey ...the journey that sets the foundation of your out-world journey, the journey which you don’t travel well. Your in-world journey is nothing but your journey within yourself. It is your self-exploration journey in which you get to know yourself bigger and better. This journey is a gateway to self-realization and self-actualization.  Your in-world journey enables you to explore your positives-negatives, strengths-weakness, comfort-fear, and many other inner-self attributes. You need to travel well in this journey to...

A lockdown for bodies, but minds still wandering... And this distance between mind and body — it’s turning the inevitable pain into self-made suffering. But that’s the downside!! Let’s talk about the upside... the positives through this period. Let’s try to experience these happy realizations: 1. Death connecting us to life People are dying everywhere. It provokes fear of death now and then at every heart, no different you and me. But amidst all these did you realize: We literally experienced our biggest fear Death sitting at home? Gracious we are alive!  Is there a bigger blessing? I don’t think so. Let’s celebrate life with a toast to breath as the biggest reason to smile. 2. Higher sensitivity towards poverty and hunger It’s not only about this lockdown when the poor are dying of hunger. Earlier, most of us could only sympathize. We could not take that one step further — to think about doing something for them. Why? Either shortage of time or our own lives in a turmoil. Now as we standstill, there are more volunteers to think about the poor. This lockdown has taken our sympathies to another level. And that’s wonderful! 3. Turning faces towards the real mirror — Self-awareness We are denied worldly experiences ongoing lockdown. But this phase made us dig deep within to feel ourselves.  The deeper we touch, the darker it feels!! But do you know the sunnier part? At least we are facing the real mirror! We are meeting ourselves everyday. We are knowing ourselves more! No matter beautiful or ugly reflects our face in the real mirror of self-awareness, we are experiencing the taste of our company. It is leading to self-acceptance — the foundation of self-love! 4. Inculcating a new interest Earlier we never got this length of me-time. With a lockdown of direct connections with the outside world, the sharpness of the mind has less to dissect. Maybe it’s time for the soul to reach a deeper dimension without self-judgments. Picking up that half-read old book from the shelf, Tuning-in the chords of the broken guitar, Scribbling emotions in our personal diary,  Pursuing the hobby left out of responsibility, Learning different meditation or yoga practices, Let it be anything that pulls our interest! Who knows, we discover an artist within who flares the life-spark rest of our lives. 5. Connection with smiling nature after decades  Neither money is having the last laugh nor the people. It’s nature smiling! We must feel happy for them.  After all this damage, it resurrected! The air turned cleaner; the tress became greener; the water got purer. Guess what? The renewed nature is blessing us with a healthy life! Do we really need anything else? I feel nothing can draw our interest more than getting richer with nature’s wealth. Let’s celebrate nature, preserve the wealth it’s bestowing! 6. Our battle is always in the inside We have been our comparing lives with people, competing against them. Conveniently we have been blaming them for all the wrong happening with us. But about this time, we are not against outside; we are exploring the truth: We have been battling against our illusions. And it is always about the inside! We are meeting our inner critic... the real audience. And it’s an original ball game altogether. No doubt the battle has got tougher but...

Are you losing beautiful people in the process of pleasing the social environment? A renowned musician Bob Marley once said: Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. So beginning with, let’s meet the people surrounding you indigenous to distinct environments: We’ll start with the most essential sphere... Personal Environment: Generally, the people from this domain are beautiful. The most admirable quality about them is they can distinguish your real self from your fabrications. Wondering what’s the chemistry you share with the people from your personal environment? A sense of belongingness budding from attachment! And sometimes, this intimacy inflicts unbearable pain. You won’t deny the stronger the connection, the deeper it hurts. But is this attachment a setback? No, it’s not. Come on! They are an integral part of your life; he/she is your life partner, parent, kid, sibling, and friend. You seek and reciprocate love in this sphere. There are certain responsibilities you owe towards each other. You share a strong connect anyway — physical, emotional, mental, financial. Obviously, when all of this is happening, an attachment has to seep from either side. And that’s perfectly fine! No wonder, misunderstandings hurt sentiments on a few occasions. Yes, sometimes obligations are overburdening. There are times when you exhaust fulfilling their expectations. And there are situations when you feel a prisoner because of dependency. Look: No two individuals are the same and sometimes, miscommunications may cause distress in the relationship.  Having said: Stop blaming attachment for covering own inefficiency and incompetence. Do you realize how essential is this bond? Not only the soft cries but this deep attachment also bestows you with blissful memories to cherish. Where losing a family member inflicts pain; arrival of a family member spreads joy. Sometimes these people make you cry; most of the times they offer you a hundred reasons to smile. When an unfulfilled expectation hurts; a fulfilled wish rejuvenates. When they make you realize your mistakes; they are the only ones appreciating your credentials. When they blame; they even apologize. I’m sure you agree with most of the episodes. And for those beautiful reasons, make sure the ego never obstructs your way to a healthy personal environment.  Let’s jump to the next dimension... Professional environment: Much like your personal sphere, you need to make adjustments here too. Most of us are employers or employees in the professional environment; right? If you are an employee, you need to respect your boss. If you are a boss, you need to appreciate your employees. After all, the byproduct is money on which everyone strives. As I always say: Money is not every reason but the first reason for happiness.  The professional environment is a vital sphere demanding your meticulous attention. So yes, blending with the people from this world is your unsung priority. And that’s fine again. But are we done? Did you meet everyone? No, you didn’t. Suddenly from the last few years, a new environment has evolved polluting all the other aspects of your life. What’s that? Social environment: It’s an illusionary environment created by you. It is destroying the habitats of your primary two environments. Social media as a testimony; do you realize how it’s unidentified addiction is mercilessly slaughtering your...

Ok, let me second that negative people and things surround you. Simultaneously, don't you feel that an individual or a situation detrimental to you could be positive for others? Moreover, don't you think it is entirely practicable that others find you cynical? Having said that, does that make you negative? No, it does not. One thing you need to realize is every individual perceive people and situations according to him/her. I am sorry but only seeing negativity implies that you are wearing a defective pair of lenses. Please stop playing the blame game. Always remember that you can never get affected by others when you have a dominant and a powerful inner-self.  Straight out, getting carried away by negativity emitted by people and situations is your incompetency to deal with it. Feeling cynical because of others implies that you are not under the influence of your aura. It indicates that you are dwelling on others' aura. Summon into mind that YOU are the only reason for your negativity or positivity. You cannot get affected by others if you have a prestigious and powerful inner self. Moreover, one more thing you need to understand is that you should not stay quiet if you have an opinion. Speak up. Express yourself. Let people know what you feel. Flushing out emotional feelings then and there always makes you feel lighter. Subsequently, it enables you to keep away from negativity. Retaining things inside you gives birth to negativity. Eventually, you start playing the blame game. Stop doing it.  

Success and failure are brothers from different mothers. You try hard but the end result is not always in your favor. It is the time when people start judging you and even ask for justifications for your downfall or failure. Straight out, you need to appreciate the fact that your actions were inspired by none other than you. You did what you felt was right. People who can accept and understand it will agree to it. They will always back your decision. On the other hand, those who disagree; your hundreds of justifications will be in vain. Trust me, it is impossible to clarify your actions to everybody. People perceive what they want to as per their convenience and understanding. Moreover, why do you need to give justifications for your committed actions? A decision taken can have both the conditions possible. Either it will be right or it will be wrong. Be brave enough to take the responsibility of any condition. Why are you giving justifications to others and authorizing them to take a call on your decision? Also, the definition of right and wrong vary from person to person. Subsequently, neither it is possible nor it is your responsibility to make everyone happy. You don’t owe any justifications to anyone except to your time. Obliging others with your justifications is a big question on your self-belief and self-importance. Therefore, it is entirely your responsibility to take a stand for your actions. Always be loyal to your time as you cannot predict how much you have. Do things what the time demands and not what the people demand. It is the justification for your time, not people, which eases your life journey.      

I am dying at 35 but this is not what is hurting me. What’s painful is that when I look back, I don’t recall 35 memories to cherish!!! The journey has not been worth remembering. I am not saying I was sad throughout my life, but yes, I always struggled to feel happy. Never had I felt what I realize now, which is the difference between real happiness and materialistic happiness.  And the irony is when I have realized it, I cannot be happy. I am dying and practically, I cannot choose happiness. I can only miss happiness. But at least you can... choose it now. You might be curious to know what happened suddenly that my life turned upside down? I am literally into tears to pen it down but I will, just to make you realize that today is my turn, likewise, it can be yours tomorrow. And I don’t want you to die like me, just like that. Well... nothing much to tell because it was all good a week back. Just a slight pain in my stomach which led to a couple to tests. Huh... to find what? The final stage of liver cancer with a piece of news... the news that I have a few months, weeks or maybe days left. Hard to live with the fact that I am dying anytime soon. But wait a minute, is this something new I got to know? Is it really news that I might die soon? Was I not aware of it or rather are ‘we’ not aware that we‘ll die one day? I am sure even you know about this inevitable truth but there is a difference between you knowing and me knowing it... The difference is that I can feel it now but I’m not sure you can!!! Sorry to say this but maybe you die before me, trust me it is possible. I may sound weird so let me back it with a testimony. About a month back, I heard the shocking news that a 40-year-old man from my vicinity has been diagnosed with a final stage brain tumor and he does not have much time left. I know him personally and this news left me shattered. I remember I was saying to my wife that 40 is not an age to die. How could be God so cruel? Ha... never dared to imagine that I am dying before him in my thirties. Now I am sure you got a pinch of my taste! This is how unpredictable life is. I close my eyes at night more in fear whether they would open to see a morning... sometimes I wonder what is a bigger challenge? To die gracefully or to live gracefully? Because suddenly I see my definition of challenges transforming.   I could sense the definition of my success changing, which was once to earn bread, and what is now to earn breaths. I could feel a change in my attitude from ‘let it come’ some time back to ‘let it go’ today. I could sense the perception of my future...

Not only an intriguing title; I'll also make sure that the article is worth reading... Step by step, we shall try to get into it. First of all, let us try to approach the word ‘SUCCESS.' How does one define success?  Commonly, Success can be defined as the accomplishment of goals and objectives. For some people, the definition of success could also be the triumph over the competitors. What else? Yes, for some people, success could be reaching the top in their respective work fields. Everyone perceives success in their own peculiar way. The definition of success keeps on changing with people, time and situation. Finding it boring??? Hold on, some interesting observations about to begin!!! There is no denying the fact that only a few feelings can match the magical feeling of being successful. All the positive emotions can be attached to success such as happiness, rejoice, pleasure, satisfaction, euphoria, jubilation, etc. Let us sink in deeper to unlock the other side of the story...  A few heartfelt questions: Is the journey en-route all that beautiful like the results? Does success come all that easy? Are there any shortcuts to success? Do the successful people undergo the same emotions en-route success journey like they feel after succeeding? Let us uncover the darker side of success A few successful realizations: 'Success is that lively and elusive mask of realization, which covers the various lifeless faces of failures.' Baffled? I shall explain it to you... One success story comprises of many stories of failures. Yes, there is also a dark and gloomy side of every success story. It is that phase which nobody is aware of, except for the person who has traveled that journey alone. Only a few get out strong and victorious from this phase... And those few individuals are called 'Successful People'. We all get attracted to successful individuals who are related to our respective fields, right? But how many of us have tried to figure out that why do we get attracted towards them? Let's find out... Some in-depth realizations!!! Success comes along with many luring elements with it. Some people get lured by the money, which comes along with success. Some get drawn towards the power. Some get fascinated by the glamor attached to it. Some get attracted towards the lifestyles of successful people, while some get attracted towards their achievements. There are also some individuals who get attracted towards the passion of the successful people.  Everyone has their reasons to get drawn towards success and successful people. But let me ask you... Have you ever tried to follow the path to success of our idols?  Have you sought to find out how painful their success journey has been? Have you tried to find out the sacrifices they had made to reach there? Have you sought to find out the hardships and failures they had to face before succeeding? Are you ready to endure and struggle like they did? These questions indeed induce a painful realization. It is because everyone wants to succeed, nobody wants to fail. What we want are results....

Before evaluating the differences, let's find out the similarity between both the attitude.  Did you notice that both the attitude have four consecutive letters in common-'LOSE'? You know what does it mean? It means that both the attitude(loser/nothing to lose) are provoked by a loss. Now, there are two possible conditions involving a loss.  You are on the verge of losing. You have already lost. Subsequently, when you encounter any of the above-mentioned situations,  it provokes either a 'nothing to lose' attitude or you develop a 'loser attitude'.   An example involving sports where you are on the verge of losing... Two players are playing a game of squash inside two different courts.  The game is of 5 sets. Both the players lose the first two sets. Obviously, the recovery seems extremely difficult hereon. Now, let us try to compare and analyze their respective attitude where one develops a loser attitude while the other develops a nothing to lose attitude.  The one with the ‘loser attitude:’ After losing the first two sets out of five, the person with a negative mindset starts considering himself as a loser even before the result of the game. It evokes fear inside him and he begins saying to himself that he cannot win from this particular game-situation. Eventually, he surrenders to a situation and showcases a ‘loser attitude’ in the subsequent game-set. This attitude fails to deliver miserably, no need to mention the outcome. The one with the ‘nothing to lose attitude.’   A person with a positive frame of mind sees things differently. After losing the first two sets, he sets himself free. Even he starts considering himself as a loser but with a different mindset. As soon as he accepts his loss, he starts seeing it as a different ball game altogether. It evokes a fearless attitude within him as he is already considering himself as a loser. He starts feeling that he cannot go down anymore and plays the rest of the game carefree and stress-free. Trust me, most of the times he is able to turn the tables around from nowhere, and an evident lose turns out to be a surprising victory. Let us consider a monetary example where the loss has already occurred: Two businessmen suffered a huge financial loss in their respective trades. The one with a loser attitude: The person with the loser attitude starts feeling embarrassed and ashamed. He is not able to sink that loss inside his mind. As a result, it never lets him overcome that loss or defeat. That fear of losing refrains him from starting again. As a result, he always considers himself a loser.  The one with a nothing to lose attitude: There is the other businessman who considers it as an opportunity, the opportunity to start from scratch, where he cannot go down beyond it. This attitude allows him to realize his mistakes so that he never repeats it again. Time for some Happy Realizations!!! Friends, we all lose on something at some point in time.  But what makes us a loser or winner depends...