Have you ever fallen in love?
If you have, just keep reading and you will fall in love once again…but this time with none other than oneself…
If not love, maybe an infatuation or a physical attraction towards somebody at sometime. Yes, even a physical attraction or an infatuation makes you eligible to read this article.
If not even that, please close down this window and go to a doc to get your hormones checked. Haha…I am sure you don’t fall into this category.
Love beyond the judgmental mind…
In today’s glamorous world, you get attracted to someone every now and then. In fact, many love stories start with a mere infatuation.
My dear friend, infatuation or physical attraction may be the initial days of your love. But when you love someone truly, that magical feeling is unmatched crossing all the barriers of judgment. Yes, you don’t play mind games when you are in love. You know that person inside out and you accept the other person where you are not any more concerned about their physical or mental appearance.
Let us connect to some of the feelings when you are in love with somebody.
Here are your 12 qualities when you are in love…
1. Balancing your partners’ weaknesses
No one is perfect. Not only you appreciate their strengths but also try to cover up their weaknesses.
Humans commit mistakes, and you know that. You may fight with the person whom you love, land in arguments but eventually, you forgive him/her.
3. Not holding back in saying sorry
This is difficult otherwise but not in case of love where there is no room for ego. It is because you value your relationship much more than your ego.
4. Expressing love
Every now and then, you express your love to them in your own peculiar way. You don’t hold back in making them feel special.
5. Make them realize their wrong
Not only you admire their right, but also try to make them realize their mistake in person rather publically.
6. Respect Differences
Everyone is wired differently. You might not have anything in common but maybe this is what you like about him/her.
7. Never insult him/her
When you love him/her, you never make fun of them, never embarrass them. You never hurt their sentiments intentionally.
8. Respect and Trust
You respect him/her more than you love them. Moreover, you trust them more than anyone else. The reason is you know that respect and trust are strong foundations of a healthy love relationship.
9. Motivation and Encouragement
Not only you cherish their moments of success with them, but also try to motivate and cheer them up in their failures.
10. No comparison
You don’t compare any attributes of your loved ones with others, be it good or bad. You love him/her the way they are and you never want to change their uniqueness.
11. Always around in the tough times
Life is all about peaks and valleys. And you never leave his/her hand in their darkest of phases.
12. Endless love
Most importantly, your love for that person never deteriorates with passing time and is not subjected to situations.
I am sure you could relate to many of these feelings if you have ever been in love. But let me raise a question on your behalf. Aren’t we talking about the fortunate ideal relationships?
A few heartfelt curiosities…
Dear friend, even if your infatuation has converted into love, does it guarantee the same reciprocation from the one you love? What about those one-sided love and those broken trusts?
These conditions cannot be ignored. In fact, they need more attention because of the way people are getting adversely affected by it.
So you see, the qualities which we are talking about are totally subjected to one condition…Reciprocation…Don’t you think so? When you don’t get the same reciprocation, it hurts, and it hurts really bad.
But you know, you cannot blame the person concerned either. It is because love is your personal choice which cannot be subjected to expectations.
What do we do then? How do we overcome this pain? You might be the one on this boat seeking the shore…
So here I present to you a straightforward solution…
START LOVING YOURSELF and get rid of that pain. You need not do anything different. Just scroll up and read the 12 qualities mentioned above when you are in love with someone, the same needs to be practiced with oneself.
Start feeling the same emotions for yourself where you don’t have to wait for a reciprocation. Better said than done, let us try to get down to the nitty-gritty.
The step by step process of self love…
Start giving alone time to yourself preferably in the mornings where you talk to oneself. When you talk to yourself, you will start knowing yourself better. The more you know yourself, the more you thrive to become a better individual.
The subsequent step is accepting you the way you are and not being hard on yourself. Humans commit mistakes, not robots. This is the time when self-confession is important so you don’t have to criticize and punish yourself for your mistakes and failures. Learn from them and make sure you don’t commit them again. It will restrict the flow of self-harming thoughts, if any.
Gradually, you start avoiding actions of self hatred. You know, there are times when your mind wants to commit actions which your soul can feel are wrong. And when you commit to it, your soul gets hurt.
I am sorry but when the soul is hurt, you cannot love yourself. Make a conscious effort not to commit to it. Begin implementing in small instances where you say no to yourself.
And now you reach a state where you stop judging and start loving oneself. And when you reach this state, everyone and everything around will naturally become beautiful. What better, when you love anyone reaching the state of self love, your love for him/her is pure without judgments and expectations.
Beware…You don’t have to reach here. Stop in the previous step. Because sometimes when you love yourself and every situation is perfect for you, your self love may turn into self obsession and you might become an egoistic soul.
Must read…Differences between ego and self-respect
The interesting part…
Hang on, there are still some unanswered questions…
What if you are not seeking shores and you want your boat to keep sailing always? In that case, is there a possibility that your sailing boat drowns at some time? What I mean is even if you are one of those lucky ones whose love for someone has found the same reciprocation, does that mean he/she will be with you till your lifetime?
Don’t take me wrong but life is unpredictably short. And an unpredictable end of a successful love relationship hurts even more. It is because of the attachment and bond you share with your loved one.
And again if you ask me the answer…
A quote from Gautama Buddha is a straight word answer to it…
“Attachment is the root cause of suffering”
which means the more we are attached to anyone or anything, the more we get hurt.
So let us learn the art of loving with detachment.
But it is only possible when you are so attached to yourself that you are less attached to anyone or anything.
Yes, if you have the gift of self love, the recovery state is easier comparatively.
So here I conclude that irrespective of whether it is a one-sided love affair or a mutual love relation, self love must be above all.
What are the good things about self love?
- It always restricts you from consciously committing the wrong.
- You never fall in self love, you rise. It is because you never get cheated or betrayed.
- You don’t get affected by what people have to say about you to you.
- The best thing… the person whom you love is always with you till your last breath.
I never say don’t fall in love with anyone. But never let your innocence die because of someone and loose self love in the process. Always let the love for oneself be supreme. This way, no matter if you fall prey to the broken trusts, one-sided love or inevitable-destines, rest assured, you will never get hurt. Your self love will not let that happen.