Have you ever fallen in love?
If you have, just keep reading and you will fall in love once again… but this time with none other than oneself.
If not love, maybe an infatuation or a physical attraction towards somebody at sometime. Yes, even a physical attraction or an infatuation makes you eligible to read this article.
If not even that, please close this window and go to a doc to get your hormones checked. Haha… I am sure you don’t fall into this category.
Love beyond the judgmental mind…
In today’s glamorous world, you get attracted to someone now and then. In fact, many love stories start with a mere infatuation.
My dear friend, infatuation or physical attraction may be the initial days of your love. But when you truly love someone, the magical feeling is unmatched crossing all the barriers of judgment. Yes, you don’t play mind games when you are in love. You know that person inside out. You accept him/her gracefully without any concern about their physical or mental appearance.
Let us connect to some feelings when you are in love with somebody.
Here are your 12 qualities when you are in love…
1. Balancing your partners’ weaknesses
No one is perfect. Not only you appreciate their strengths but also try to cover up their weaknesses.
Humans commit mistakes, and you know that. You may fight with the person whom you love, land in arguments but eventually, you forgive him/her.
3. Not holding back in saying sorry
This is difficult otherwise but not in the case of love where there is no room for ego. It is because you value your relationship much more than your ego.
4. Expressing love
Now and then, you express your love to them in your own peculiar way. You don’t hold back in making them feel special.
5. Make them realize they’re wrong
Not only you admire their right, but also try to make them realize their mistake in person, not publically.
6. Respect Differences
Everyone is wired differently. You might have nothing in common but maybe this is what you like about them.
7. Never insult them
When you love them, you never make fun of them, never embarrass them. You never hurt their sentiments intentionally.
8. Respect and trust them
You respect them more than you love them. You trust them more than anyone else. The reason is you know that respect and trust are strong foundations of a healthy love relationship.
9. Motivate and Encourage
Not only you cherish their moments of success with them, but also try to motivate and cheer them up in their failures.
10. No comparison
You don’t compare any attributes of your loved ones with others, be it good or bad. You love them the way they are and you never want to change their uniqueness.
11. Always around in the tough times
Life is all about peaks and valleys. And you never leave their hand in their darkest of phases.
12. Endless love
Your love for that person never deteriorates with passing time and it is not situational.
I am sure you could relate to many of these feelings if you have ever been in love. But let me raise a question on your behalf. Aren’t we talking about the fortunate ideal relationships?
A few heartfelt curiosities…
Dear friend, even if your infatuation has converted into love, does it guarantee the same reciprocation from the one you love? What about those one-sided love and those broken trusts?
You cannot ignore these conditions. In fact, they need more attention because of the way people are getting affected by it.
You see, the qualities which we are talking about are subjected to one condition…Reciprocation. Don’t you think so? When you don’t get the same reciprocation, it hurts, and it hurts terribly.
But you know, you cannot blame the person concerned either. It is because love is your personal choice which cannot be subjected to expectations.
What do we do then? How do we overcome this pain? You might be the one on this boat seeking the shore…
So here I present to you a straightforward solution…
START LOVING YOURSELF and get rid of that pain. You need not do anything different. Just scroll up and read the 12 qualities when you are in love with someone, the same needs to be practiced with oneself.
Feel the same emotions for yourself where you don’t have to wait for a reciprocation. Better said than done, let us try to get down to the nitty-gritty.
The step-by-step process of self-love…
Give alone time to yourself preferably in the mornings where you talk to oneself. When you talk to yourself, you will know yourself better. The more you know yourself, the more you thrive to become a better individual.
The subsequent step is accepting you the way you are and not being hard on yourself. Humans commit mistakes, not robots. This is when self-confession is important so you don’t have to criticize and punish yourself for your mistakes and failures. Learn from them and make sure you don’t commit them again. It will restrict the flow of self-harming thoughts if any.
Gradually, you avoid actions of self-hatred. Sometimes, your mind wants to commit actions which your soul can feel are wrong. And when you commit to it, your soul gets hurt. I am sorry but when the soul is hurt, you cannot love yourself.
Please make a conscious effort not to commit to it. Implement in small instances where you say no to yourself.
And now you reach a state where you stop judging and start loving oneself. And when you reach this state, everyone and everything around becomes beautiful. What better, when you love anyone after reaching the state of self-love, your love for them is pure and unconditional.
Beware… You don’t have to reach here. Stop in the previous step. Because sometimes when you love yourself, everything about you is perfect for you. In this state, you cannot identify your shortcomings and weaknesses. And finally, self-love may turn into self-obsession and you might become an egoistic soul.
Must read…Differences between ego and self-respect
The interesting part…
Hang on, there are still some unanswered questions…
What if you are not seeking shores and you want your boat to keep sailing always? In if this is the case, is there a possibility that your sailing boat drowns at some time? What I mean is even if you are one of those lucky ones whose love for someone has found the same reciprocation, does that mean they’ll be with you till your lifetime?
Don’t take me wrong but life is unpredictably short. An unpredictable end of a successful love relationship hurts even more. It is because of the attachment and bond you share with your loved one.
And again if you ask me the answer…
A quote from Gautama Buddha is a straight word answer to it…
“Attachment is the root cause of suffering”
which means the more we attach to something, the more we get hurt.
So let us learn the art of loving with detachment.
But it is only possible when you are so attached to yourself that you are less attached to anyone or anything.
Yes, if you have the gift of self-love, the recovery state is easier.
So here I conclude that irrespective of whether it is a one-sided love affair or a mutual love relation, self-love must be above all.
What are the positive extracts from self-love?
- It always restricts you from consciously committing the wrong.
- You never fall, you always rise in self-love. It is because you never get cheated or betrayed.
- You don’t get affected by what people have to say about you because self-love creates a strong aura.
- The best thing… the person whom you love is always with you till your last breath.
I never say don’t fall in love with anyone. But never let your innocence die because of someone and lose self-love. Always let the love for oneself be supreme. This way, no matter if you fall prey to the broken trusts, one-sided love or inevitable-destines, rest assured, you will never get hurt. Your self-love will not let that happen.
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Amanpreet Singh is the founder of Happy Realization. From the negatives of depression to the positives of meditation, he loves expressing his experiences and the practical life lessons which he calls his Happy Realizations. He is a guest blogger at respectable publications like Pick the Brain and Dumb Little Man.