This is a heartbreaking open letter from a to-be father to everyone…
My wife is expecting a baby. She is on top of the world. I cannot express how overjoyed she is. Everyone in the family is extremely happy. But if you ask about my feelings, it’s a mixed feeling. Just not able to put it down into words. I am excited but at the same time, I am nervous. I am not sure whether I shall be able to justify the responsibilities of a father. One thing which always scares me – responsibilities.
I still remember the day she told me she missed her monthlies ….I freaked out, I was shocked, not surprised… Haha…quite contrary to the response she was expecting. At least I can laugh it off today.
Now she is 6 months pregnant and yes, the feeling of a to-be father has completely sunk in… It’s not that I had to accept it and so such a feeling. No, not at all…It’s a magical feeling.
All the fathers and the to-be fathers can completely understand how it feels when your wife makes you feel your child’s kicks inside the womb. And not to forget the topsy-turvy movements, swear on God, apprehensions if any, are flushed out at that particular time.
Everyone in the family is waiting for that time, they call it the D-day. And now, they along with friends and relatives have started asking us, what are you expecting- a boy or a girl…one of the few big things they want to know from you at this time.
Well, my answer to them is clear, ‘I don’t care, only my child should be healthy at the time of birth, that’s it.’
Huh, really? Does my mind has the same clarity as my words? I am sorry but I am not sure.
‘I don’t care’ is what I always believed but not today. Yes, there are a lot of uncertainties and unanswered questions today.
Don’t worry about my wife’s choice because her choice will not be judged. But somehow I think that if a to-be father wants a son and not a daughter, he is judged and questioned. And the same is happening to me.
I want a son but I fear to accept it. I fear people might feel that I have an ancient outlook towards this situation…my mentality maybe called narrow, cheap, poor, shallow, and unreasonable…as different people might perceive my answer as per their understanding and mental boundaries.
But now, it’s high-time I need to tell the reasons behind my answer. Moreover, I want to answer on behalf of many who think alike but prefer to stay silent.
First of all, I am not a male chauvinist. I am not that dirty narrow-minded pig who supports gender inequality. No, I am not looking at a maybe-son as my successor and to tell the truth, I am strictly against the dowry system. Rest assured, I am not killing my maybe-daughter inside the womb either. I respect women and my love for my maybe-daughter will be unconditional and unbiased.
Then why? Yes, you might be wondering then why a boy and not a girl?
Till this time, you might have also started judging me. And so the reasons behind this confession on an open platform is very important.
I hope you have the required courage to withstand my reasons…
I want to accept that I would love to become a father to my daughter, but I am scared. I am scared because the things which are happening around me, the news which I have been reading in the newspapers indicate that this place is not a safe place for my daughter…I never felt it earlier but I have started feeling it now.
I guess you might have got a piece of what is coming up. And here I begin…
Becoming a father is a boon. Becoming a father of a girl child is even a bigger blessing as most of the fathers know what their daughter means to them. However, there are a few things I want to admit and want you to know about it.
I am not afraid of the responsibilities attached to her upbringing. I don’t doubt my unbiased love which I will have for her. I am sure that my unconditional attachment to her would be more than him (son).
I know she will bestow me with divine happiness. She will never leave me. She will understand her obligations better than him. She will be the biggest asset of my life. I will love her more than anyone and anything else in my life. She will love me till my last breath.
She will be the biggest blessing I could I ever count on. I am sure she will be one of those rare individuals who will remember me after I am gone.
However, having accepted all of this, I am sorry to admit that I am not sure whether I want to become a father of a daughter and this is a fact.
Please get ready for some of my strong heartfelt realizations…
I am sorry, but I will fear the intentions of :
- her brothers with whom she will play and spend time alone.
- her uncle who will show her love and warmth.
- the car driver or the bus driver who will take her to school.
- the domestic help, plumber, electrician, carpenters, washerman and so on…
- the teachers and tutors in the academic and non-academic fields.
- her boss and colleagues in her workplace.
- her friends.
- the person whom she will love or the one who will promise her to become her soul mate.
- her husband and his family.
- Every one of opposite gender.
Yes, I will fear the deserted roads and streets in the late evenings surrounded by no one but perverts and sadists. I fear the society who will restrict her from living her life the way she feels. I will fear the prying eyes, the dirty minds…and everything.
However, I am not at all sorry about my thinking because this is what I am seeing and experiencing around me. It is what I am reading in the newspapers and listening to the news channels. Yes, I am sorry but all of these are happening across the globe.
Please watch the video below…
Talking about the rape culture, the frequency in which rapes are happening, the brutal ways in which the rapes are happening, the ones who are raping(acquaintances), the ones who are getting raped(1-year-olds), the time it takes to prove the accused guilty, the law system in which juveniles are not convicted… is actually promoting the rape culture.
The accessibility of such news is actually forcing me to think that the rape of a one-year-old is wrong but the rape of a 25-year-old is acceptable. Yes, I am sorry to say it but my mind is getting affected and infected. The word ‘rape’ has become familiar to an extent that it has started sounding fine. Those days are gone when the news of an instance involving rape used to cause me sleepless nights. There was a time when the thinking of the trauma she had been subjected to led to goosebumps. And so commonly, openly and frequently…women are getting raped today.
I will pity myself and will feel helpless as very less I will be able to do about all of these people, situations, and conditions. I fear whether she would understand me when I will get conservative and protective towards her.
All things in perspective, her life journey will be nothing less than a battle. I am sorry, but I fear whether she would be able to win that battle. Indeed yes, I would love to become a proud father of my daughter but I am not sure whether I want my DAUGHTER to open her eyes and breathe in this patriarchal world and I am sure that she won’t be sure either.
My Final Realizations…
Women are being treated as objects and I am not ok with it. I know, this thinking of mine is not a solution either. And we need to do something about it pretty soon. Protests and campaign after the crime have taken place is not doing any good. Creating awareness so that it does not happen is important. And that awareness has to be initiated within oneself.
So before it gets too late, let us stop waiting for it to happen to ourselves to provoke a realization. Let us start comprehending the pain of others and feel it so that we start acting on this alarming situation. I don’t think stepping into their shoes will be difficult. It is because we all are surrounded by women in the form of mother, sister, daughter, girlfriend, wife in our personal spheres.
Always remember, awareness of oneself is more important than spreading awareness to others. Let us start initiating the awareness campaigns within oneself and start respecting women. Let us not forget that our existence is because of the existence of a woman. Let us save the most beautiful creature alive on this planet to save the planet.
Final words…these realizations are intense and painful…Let us start acting on the situation to make it a Happy Realization.