Love and Relationships

Do you fear friends or colleagues will find out you are not as worthy as they think? Or you feel your success (irrespective big or small) was a fluke and people will soon find out you are a fraud? Don't worry it's the Impostor Syndrome where you feel like a fraudulent, a pretender, a hoaxer (which you are not). Approximately 70 percent of people will experience at least one episode of impostor syndrome in their lives. What's Impostor Syndrome? Why is it vicious? Often spelled as Imposter, feeling an Impostor is incompetence to deal with your imperfections and perform at the highest standards you set for yourself. It’s like riding high on egomania while enjoying success and then sliding down to fear of being called a cheater or a fraud. You feel like a loser irrespective how successful you are. It makes you incapable to focus on your current work, living in obscurity, not opening up to new opportunities. Rewards and Recognition do more harm than good where you feel you cannot justify your credentials in the upcoming project, and you fear people will know about your incompetence. The feeling of an Impostor kills creativity where you are constantly self-judging. You are too hard on yourself overthinking about people’s opinion of you.  It retracts you from the present moment, discharging the concentration, denting your flow, and jolts your personal and professional growth.  The good news is that you are not alone! Celebrity quotes on Impostor Syndrome: When I was younger, I just did it. I just acted. It was just there. So now when I receive recognition for my acting, I feel incredibly uncomfortable. I tend to turn in on myself. I feel like an impostor. It was just something I did. —Emma Watson    Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this. I’m a fraud. —Kate Winslet   No matter what we've done, there comes a point where you think, 'How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me? —Tom Hanks     I have written eleven books, but each time I think, 'uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out. —Maya Angelou  My Encounter with Impostor Syndrome  Insightful publications like Lifehack, Pick the Brain, Purpose fairy, Dumb Little Man published my articles. I received accolades for these, including some of my works published on my blog. Why am I bragging? The critic appreciation prod to deliver more, as I began expecting too much out of myself. I started fearing people’s eyes, thinking about them, all of it abstaining from workflow, diminishing my quality of work, questioning my talent and abilities. I could not write, unable to get rid of the perfectionist inside me self-judging constantly. My creativity fired many times, soon to nosedive into a polluted pool of uncertainties. I could not do love doing most — Expressing my thoughts and emotions. And that led to Impostor Syndrome where there were dilemmas and ambiguity, causing fear and my lower self cried: People will...

"Whatever goes around comes around." Yes, it is the bottom-line of Karma. Karma is our action or deed; no matter how small or big. Whatever we do, has an objective behind it. Karma also deals with that objective. If we do something good to others but it has an evil intention behind it, then according to karma, it is wrong. Likewise, if we make a mistake but the objective behind it is pure and pious, then karma treats you accordingly. Let us take an example. If we steal a coin and give it to a beggar who is in need, the motive behind it is compassion. Here, the act of helping overpowers the act of stealing. Therefore, whatever we do, it should have a noble intention behind it. It is what "Karma" teaches us.    

The past is gone; The future is unpredictable. What you have and what you can control right now is your present. It is imperative to feel it to enjoy it. As they say, time and tide wait for none; likewise, you should appreciate the present moment rather than making a hue and cry of your past or worrying about the future. On the contrary, what you do is either you ponder upon your past, or you are busy making plans for future. As a result, you neglect to feel the essence of the present moment.You need to realize that 'now' is the moment to cherish. These small moments in the present moment can only make your life happy. Awareness in the present moment makes every moment memorable in a way where you don't need memories to cherish later. When you enjoy the present, the future is bound to be good. One foot in the past and one foot in the future is just like keeping your feet in two boats and trying to make a balance to stay safe. This way, you will not only hurt yourself but also will lose the precious moments of now. STOP HERE. Take deep breaths. Enjoy the NOW. Don't run away from it. Don't allow your thinking to take control over your feelings. Things will happen. You are neither early nor late. Respect the 'TIME ZONE.' Just flow with each passing moment.  Relax and enjoy the present moment. Learn the art of Meditation to stimulate your feelings, which will keep you away from overthinking. Life is beautiful. Start cherishing every moment now.  

And here she begins... You opted to grow up but I opted to remain a child... I preferred to stay the same but you loved the change. You know why? Because the change was for your good, not mine. I can understand that you were ambitious enough to lash onto every opportunity but how could you when the foundation of it was my failure? You did not realize that your success ladder was not wide enough that we climbed together. But you never looked back to check whether I was behind.  You know... I was all ears in your struggling times. I made you run when you could not stand. I gave you a purpose to fight when you were on the brink of losing. I literally gave you life when you were on the verge of a suicide. Now how could you glow your candle without realizing that it was my wax which is burning? How could you move on leaving me behind? How could you take a stride when either of your shoes was not mine? How did you clap when either of your hands was not mine? I know you are not good at expressing love but then how were you so good at expressing the bitterness? You doubted my reciprocation emphasizing that I changed. You said I don’t love you anymore... You were not completely wrong because you didn’t deserve it anymore. Yes, both of us wanted a bigger house, but it is you who forgot that... The bigger the house, The longer The distance between the rooms. You forgot that the foundation of a healthy relationship is respect, and not always love!!! You cursed my anger and frustration but never realized it was my pain shouting at you.  You said you don’t see a smile; I say you didn’t see my tears... You called me possessive and insecure but I say it was love. You spoke to get heard but about my words...they sought attention, but your ears called them trespassers. I know you found my fault and I found yours... And maybe neither of us was wrong and the situation was guilty. But you know what, you were never ready to be tested in those situations.  No, you were not a liar either but the problem was you were brutally honest. I took pride in calling you ‘my man’ but you turned out to be more of a man with fewer emotions. I am sure you never cheated on me with other women but does that make you loyal? Sorry I deny because you stopped looking at me either. I’m sure you never slept with other women but why did you stop sleeping with me? It was our mutual decision that I conceive. The decision which once looked beautiful seems ugly now. You know why? Because I am the one who has to live with that decision, not you. Yes, I am still facing the wrath to conceive that decision. Abortion was your solution, but it was ‘your solution to your insecurities.’ If you ask me which you never did, it was a heinous crime. Society... we never cared about, but I never realized that...

Even if you are not a winner, appear like one. It is one of the most important traits of your personality to lead a healthy life. It is the reflection of your self-belief. A confident person lives far better life than a person with low self- confidence. Well, there are simple things that help in acquiring this particular trait. One is your lifestyle. Most of the times, your physical appearance reflects your self-confidence. Now, do not confuse between your looks and appearance. Your looks are not under your control, but you can always monitor the way you appear. Your presence creates your aura, which always has to be compelling to look self-confident. Always keep in mind that an early bird catches the most worms. A fit person appears more confident than others. Therefore, your appearance makes a lot of impact on the people you meet. Moreover, a smile can do wonders. A smile welcomes a smile. A happy person invites others to converse with him/her. Make eye contact and maintain your body posture while talking. You can practice it in front of the mirror. Rest assured, it helps. Moreover, you must know what to speak. Never try to impress others with false statements. At the same time, never try to impose your ideas on others. There is a thin line between confidence and arrogance.   Be confident in thinking and attitude. Talk to random person whenever you get a chance. Be generous and kind but don’t over apologize. Don’t worry, nobody is perfect, so tie your laces and take on the world.          

The first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night is the same… any guesses? No prizes for the right answer because it’s a no-brainer. Most of us pick up the phone and check for the social media notifications.  The word ‘viral’ once used to describe a fever has a new dimension altogether. Today, it is more of a prefix to social media posts than a fever. No wonder, social media has become an addiction, it’s not a necessity anymore. Please don’t justify the social media addictions. You call it a necessity but the bitter truth is you pick up the phone to check... the likes and comments on your last updated picture. what others have to say about themselves. the friend requests and friend suggestions. to barge into others’ profiles particularly of your ex’s. Most of the times, there is no reason you are on social media platforms. You had nothing to do, so just for a pastime, you keep scrolling down and down. The most suitable time you have found for doing it is sitting on the commode. Let me tell you... there is not much difference between the two addictions... a cigarette in hand and a phone in hand while sitting on a commode. The only difference is that the cigarette reduces the potty-release time, while a phone keeps you glued to the commode. Hmm... now you are relating better! Many of us go for a potty-ride not because it’s the potty calling, it’s the social media notifications calling. And what better, isolated, and a comfortable seat than a commode where there is no one to disturb.  Who knows... a social-media-call gives way to a bowel-call, and it solves both the purposes. I’m not joking, it is happening with most of us.   Time for some bitter ironies: You are killing your precious time looking for friend suggestions on social media while a close friend is sitting beside you seeking your attention.  You are busy building a new relationship on social media without realizing that social media is hampering your existing relationships.  And please don’t say you are on social media to get the news updates. Most of the social media posts do not have an authentic source you can trust upon. Most of the news which you read on social media is propaganda, far away from reality. An instance... You get disturbed by the post topic reading the news of killings and rapes you come across while scrolling posts. The irony is you still click on that post to read the entire story. And when you feel helpless because you could not convert your feeling of empathy into compassion, you get hurt. Your mind carries the burden of that news for an elongated period. I know many people who get affected by such news so deeply that they cannot move on. And in some cases, it may go beyond leading to depression!!! Yes, gluing to social media may also lead to depression. But is that burden of helplessness worth carrying? Is your social media reel depicting the real picture?  No, it’s not... it...

 The world is full of negative energies and negative people around us. There are many instances which we see, hear, read and subsequently feel every day. The unnatural deaths due to deadly diseases, sudden accidents, brutal rapes, fatal crimes; moreover the betrayals, hypocrisy, jealousy and many more…you are bound to feel negative. But, this is one way of feeling it. Let us introduce ourselves to another way of looking at things. Despite all of the negativity happening around us, we also have all the reasons to feel content. We have a shelter to shed, food to eat, water to drink, money to spend. On top of that, WE HAVE TIME TO THINK AND TALK ABOUT NEGATIVE/ POSITIVE while most of the people do not have time to breathe freely. Compare yourself, but with the ones who can only dream of living your life. STOP COMPLAINING. You have all the right reasons to feel positive. Start feeling and enjoying happiness NOW. Last but not the least, follow compassion. Helping others and making others happy is a definite way to feel happy and positive.  

First of all, let us define self-control: According to Vocabulary.com, "Self-control is the quality that allows you to stop yourself from doing things you want to do but that might not be in your best interest." My dear friend, today’s world is full of alluring mediums where you fall prey to the materialistic forces for momentary happiness. Resisting the temptation has become extremely difficult.  Getting carried away to these tempting drives might give you instant happiness and success. It is the reason why you begin to lose your self-control and commit yourself to these choices. But is the success and happiness derived by committing to it real? Does it really last for a lifetime? Let us find out... Why is Self-Control Important? Straight out, there are no shortcuts to success, and happiness derived after fulfilling the never-ending desires is short-lived. You got the reason why is it short-lived. It is because those desires are never-ending. The fulfillment of one just makes making way for the other, resulting in a never-ending vicious flow. This momentary happiness is soon followed by regret. And trust me, this regret adversely affects the self-love. And if continued further, it may even lead to self-harming thoughts. It is immensely important to stay away from these drives. And this is why your self-control has a vital role to play. The stronger your self-control, the less you fall prey to the luring drives.  A few daily-life practical examples where self-control is important... Student, self-control is resisting the temptation of going to your best friend's birthday celebration today when he/she has a difficult exam tomorrow. Ice-cream lover, self-control is resisting the temptation of eating it when you are on a fitness diet. Married man, self-control is resisting the temptation of getting carried by the physical beauty of another woman. Sugar patient, self-control is resisting the temptation of sweets and desserts. Parent, self-control is resisting the temptation of raising hands on your child when he/she commits a mistake. Stressed person, self-control is resisting the temptation of alcohol, which is an elusive stress buster. Monetary-struggler, self-control is resisting the temptation to earn quick money by unethical means like gambling or theft. Failure, self-control is the resisting the temptation of giving up. I am sure you can relate to any of these instances.How is Self-Control Connected to Self-Esteem? In such a competitive and stressful environment where every man is for themselves, self-esteem has become quite essential. And it is your self-control, which is responsible for your boosted self-esteem. If you keep falling prey to the alluring mediums, you will never be able to ride high on your self-esteem. Ultimately, you shall keep on denying the internal happiness. On the contrary, you just need one big situation where you resist yourself to the alluring temptation via self-control. Then off you go, your self-esteem and self-love get an automatic boost. And this boost acts as a solid base to resist the upcoming temptations. Let us find out how this entire process works... AN INDIVIDUAL – SELF-CONTROL – CHARACTER BUILDING  – AVOIDANCE OF MATERIALISTIC TEMPTATIONS – HIGH SELF-ESTEEM –  REAL HAPPINESS. First and foremost, self-control has to be your initiation to do the...

When people don't fulfill your expectations, you get hurt. Your undue expectation from people has become one big reason to feel negative.  Therefore, it is imperative to find out why these expectations and from whom are these expectations? Why do you expect and from whom do you expect? In today’s world, you expect from people because you want them to ‘Return the favor back.’ It is an obligation you anticipate from others in exchange for the good things you assume you did for them. It is the reason why you expect a reciprocation. Quickly, you need to understand that if you are counting on every acquaintance to fulfill your expectations, the matter of fact is that you are unreasonable and foolish. Supremely, your expectations could be from the ones whom you love, who are important to you. It might be from the people you care for, whom you respect, the ones with whom you share a strong bond and an active connection. Let's say, people are fulfilling every expectation of yours. But, what we need to comprehend is that everything is perfectly fine until people keep responding as per your expectations. The question is how long you will keep on getting your expectations fulfilled by others? How long will others carry the burden of meeting your expectations? The never-ending expectation process: Be mindful of the fact that the fulfillment of one expectation leads to the urge of the other. Gradually, it leads to an endless flow and to tell the truth, the chain breaks down one day. Yes, your feelings get hurt one day. Sometimes, the volume of that pain soars high to an extent where you tend to shift your perception of people who belong to you. By and by, you even form a negative opinion about those people. You begin to judge those people based on that particular situation in which they did not raise up to your expectation. You start to forget the positives associated with them. In due process, you don’t realize the value of that person in your spirits before this particular incident. And eventually, you lose that person.  Let me bombard a few questions on you... If you are demanding the ideal condition out of a person, are you an ideal person to demand it? How will you feel when you are on the other side of the table? Are you not wrong on your part if you are expecting people to respond according to you? Are you not judging people calling them wrong without knowing about their problems and situations? Maybe, they could have been in their world of problems when you were expecting from them. Or maybe they are the ones dwelling in their own aura and you are not able to perceive it. Sorry for being brutally honest but when you start putting conditions on expectations from others, you are wrong. Put it to yourself and ask yourself how do you feel about those people who impose their expectations on you? And when you are not able to meet their expectations, how do you feel about those judgemental...

Ok, let me second that negative people and things surround you. Simultaneously, don't you feel that an individual or a situation detrimental to you could be positive for others? Moreover, don't you think it is entirely practicable that others find you cynical? Having said that, does that make you negative? No, it does not. One thing you need to realize is every individual perceive people and situations according to him/her. I am sorry but only seeing negativity implies that you are wearing a defective pair of lenses. Please stop playing the blame game. Always remember that you can never get affected by others when you have a dominant and a powerful inner-self.  Straight out, getting carried away by negativity emitted by people and situations is your incompetency to deal with it. Feeling cynical because of others implies that you are not under the influence of your aura. It indicates that you are dwelling on others' aura. Summon into mind that YOU are the only reason for your negativity or positivity. You cannot get affected by others if you have a prestigious and powerful inner self. Moreover, one more thing you need to understand is that you should not stay quiet if you have an opinion. Speak up. Express yourself. Let people know what you feel. Flushing out emotional feelings then and there always makes you feel lighter. Subsequently, it enables you to keep away from negativity. Retaining things inside you gives birth to negativity. Eventually, you start playing the blame game. Stop doing it.