1st Dec 2016- the date when God sent a beautiful angel into my life. Every action, each emotion of that day is still crystal clear in my mind.
A night before, my wife, Gurdeep did not feel convincing movements inside the womb. Though it was not something unusual, but as her pregnancy had crossed a little over thirty-six weeks, we rushed to the doctor the very morning.
The doctor advised an ultrasound, and the report revealed that the umbilical cord had got entangled around the baby’s neck. There was nothing to worry about, but it was an obvious cesarean case now.
The doctor left up to us to decide the day of operation- today or tomorrow.
While Gurdeep wanted to postpone it to tomorrow, I could not wait for an hour, a minute, not even a second. There were a couple of reasons I was pushing for today:
- I could not handle the swing of emotions- from one point towards dilemmas and apprehensions to another point towards excitement and joy.
2. I had a special inclination towards the date, as I was also born on the 1st, it doesn’t matter a different month. Yes, that’s how deep I was feeling every emotion.
So somehow, I convinced her, and finally, we decided the D-day to be today.
Time was crawling like a snail that day, and after testing every drop of patience, eventually the anticipated moment arrived when she was taken inside the OT. I was allowed in there, my heart pumping faster than ever. But I knew I had to remain calm to embrace her, shower warmth, divert her mind, deceive her with no glimpse of fear, no sign of nervousness.
While I was busy engaging her in conversations, never did I realize when that moment came….and… wow… what… Goosebumps… I just saw the doctor pulling out my child. And it looked like a horrific miracle. Time literally paused, I went numb, gradually making way for the tears of happiness rolling out of my eyes.
The only time I was delighted to see my daughter cry was the first time she did.
Nirvana is about 3 years old now, and with each passing day, I love her more.
But apart from my growing love, I recently developed a huge respect for her. Never did I thought a 3-year-old-daughter could teach such profound lessons to a 30-year-old-father.
Lesson no 1- Express out whatever you feel- positivity and negativity
Nirvana never holds back to express whatever she feels, and this makes her a beautiful soul. Her emotions inside, and its expressions outside, are faithful to each other.
When she is happy-she laughs, hugs, kisses, changing the family atmosphere from whatever to happiness.
But more than that, what I like about her is she never holds back in venting out every negative emotion. She cries, yells at the top of her voice when she dislikes anything. Till recently, I used to get very agitated, called it her unruly behavior.
But one late night, while I was sitting alone, reviving memories from an observer’s eyes, Nirvana looked a beautiful person- stress-free and happy.
This was possible only when she flushes out whatever’s inside her, in her own very way, maybe not the merrier way, but the best part is this ability makes her a transparent individual.
When I stepped into her shoes, I realized it was the same shoe size I was looking for; It had been missing my entire life.
What surprised me was, I might teach more life lessons than her, but she exhibited, leading by example, how it should be done. She had a clear message: Instead of burying down feelings inside, we must express it out loud and clear.
Unlike before, I try to speak out my mind then and there, at the moment, without thinking how people would perceive, giving emphasis to my emotions, my feelings. Yes, it is coming gradually, and it definitely is not letting the negativity to pile up inside.
With this realization, I am learning the art to say no, even to people I love, to take a stand for myself. I lose a few people occasionally, but the ones who matter are always here.
More than anyone, I feel true towards myself. I am not a people’s puppet anymore, thanks to my little angel.
Lesson number 2- The natural human state is happiness
This is the most profound lesson I learned from Nirvana thus far.
I have never seen her sad for no reason. But yes, I see her happy without any reason almost every time. Yes, that’s the ability I’m talking about. Her sadness has reasons, but not her happiness.
With most of us, we lack this ability because we subject happiness to the outside world- money, success, people, situations. But she, on the other hand, doesn’t even know the meaning of possessions.
Mind, and only mind, I had become, unaware of how to feel moments without its company. I always craved spare time, leisure time, me time, but the hard part was I didn’t how to enjoy solitude, never knew the culprit is the super active mind which also needs a break.
Now, I could sense that happiness has nothing to do with the mind, it’s a feeling. It has nothing to do with the outside world, it’s an inside job.
Nirvana could play with anyone and anything she runs across. This provoked an awareness that we don’t need a plethora of options to become cheerful. We can choose to be happy without any reason.
I know it’s not happening overnight, but I am happy I could at least feel the other side, which I could’ve never explored on my own.
Thanks to my princess, I am developing a soulful connection with myself.
Lesson no 3- Excitement is the other way of looking at fear
My daughter is new to life, experiencing little by little, every moment coming her way. What grabbed my attention is her attitude towards every new encounter.
From visiting a restaurant to sitting on a plane, she feels excited about the new.
It’s beautiful how she enters every new life chapters without pre-conceived notions and judgments. What I feel could be a challenge for her, she feels excited about the same.
- sucking nipples to drinking from a glass
- trying to crawl to learn how to walk
- murmuring her signature jargons to speak a new language
- wearing diapers to stop wetting them
She has come a long way in a short span, slaying every challenge in style.
And I, on the other hand, had become a monotonous head who:
- didn’t want to visit a new restaurant
- never took a different route to work
- was reluctant to explore new holiday destinations
- never tried to ditch the everyday routine
I was in love with the boundaries of my comfort zone– apprehensive about the new, fearful about the change, scared of the experimentations.
On the contrary, the way she is exploring life is way better than I ever explored any travel destination.
Literally, she taught me: Learning begins with exploration, which starts where the comfort zone ends
Her curiosities, her inquisitiveness, her way of experiencing life- these are giving new dimensions to what had become a boring monotony for me.
It’s not I have stopped fearing anyone and anything, but I am learning the art of fooling my fears. I am inspired by my darling daughter to make conscious efforts to welcome the exploration outside the boundaries of my comfort zone.
“Pause and remember: Every single event in your life, especially the difficult lessons, have made you smarter, stronger, and wiser than you were yesterday.” ~Jenni Young
I hope you find any of these life lessons worthy to bring a positive change in your life.