We are under the illusion of being judged by others…

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(Last Updated On: September 18, 2017)

As it comes:

We all face this time in our life when we feel lonely or depressed. It is the time when we don’t love ourselves, we are under-confident and esteem-deprived. It is the phase when the size of our aura becomes microscopic, and others’ aura is dominant on us.

As a result, we start facing situations where our mind initiates comparison with others deliberately. It is the phase which provokes a sense of inferiority-complex within us. It is the time when we unnecessarily think a lot and finally struggle to maintain a balance between our inner world and the outer world. 

We start feeling that everyone is looking at us and talking about us. It is the time when start overthinking to an extent where we start feeling that everyone is laughing and mocking at us.

 

To tell the truth, it is the time when WE START JUDGING OURSELVES FROM THE EYES OF OTHERS.

My Realizations:

I had read it somewhere, “People are going to judge you anyway, make sure you give them an interesting topic.” I recalled this quote whenever I feared people’s judgments. It was because my inner-self attributes were quite low at that particular time.

It was one of those difficult times in my life when I looked at people and felt that everyone around is judging me. On top of that, I did not have an interesting topic for them to offer. I used to put unnecessary pressure on myself to perform and deliver for them. Jinxed, I failed every time.  I used to wonder, Are we always judged by the people around or there are some mysteries and secrets attached to it? One day, I got my answer accidentally.

It was that day when I was sitting alone and had nothing to do. I had no one to compare myself with as nobody was around. My thoughts were playing hide and seek with me. Suddenly, I confronted a thought, a thought which was as good as a realization. I realized that I had the same perceptions about myself which I perceived as people’s judgment about me. What I mean is, it was my self -imperfections which were creating the fear in my mind about the people’s judgment.

This realization left my eyes wide open. Literally, I could feel the goosebumps. Most of my questions about myself got answered that day.

Time for some Happy Realizations:

It is not always that people are judging us. To our surprise, the ones whom we think are judging us are not even looking at us. They are not even aware of our presence, leave apart judging.

As it happens, sometimes we start thinking about what others might be thinking about us, to such an extent that we attract those things. Ironically, we tend to magnetize things which we don’t want to happen. Subsequently, our diminished aura, poor body language, under-confidence begins to get noticed apparently.At this time, if someone points us about that attribute which is already demeaning us, it inflicts pain instantly.As a result, our inner-self breaks down drastically. 

Practical examples:

1. Failure in clearing an exam

2. A business loss

3. A loss in a sports match    

4. Physical looks

5. Struggle to find a career

These are some of the everyday instances where we start feeling that everyone around is talking only about us and judging us. Remember, it is not always that others are judging us. In fact, most of the times, we are thinking it but put the blame on people’s thinking. Surprisingly, they are even unaware of your situation. 

On the contrary, sometimes this becomes our bonafide problem. We want ourselves to get noticed by others.  Sorry girls, but the upcoming instance is directed towards you. I do not intend to hurt you but I have seen that happening with you. You go to a party and according to you, you are looking gorgeous exhibiting a standout outfit.

You seek compliments. You want people to talk about you. You want to be the center of attraction. You try to act for others and according to others.  Subsequently, when you don’t get the desired response, you begin to underrate yourself. You began to demean yourself.  Surprisingly, first, you give them the authority to judge you and then you get adversely affected by it.

There are many examples but it is the best one which I can recall right now. Obviously girls, not to be taken otherwise. 

Final insights:

All things in perspective, there are two conditions possible. Either we are judged by others or under the illusion of getting judged by others. Whatever might be the condition, one obvious conclusion drawn is that only we can bail ourselves out of this problem.

Ok, let us try to recall any of our real-time experiences of being on the other side of the table. Let us try to recollect the feel when we were riding high in our inner-self.  Did we undergo the same emotions then? Did we use to judge others when we were high in our self-confidence and self-esteem? No, not at all. On the contrary, we were too busy feeling and enjoying in the now that we never felt any judging and prying eyes around.

Yes, this is how life goes. Sometimes we will be on one side of the table and sometimes another. However, irrespective of the sides we are in; we must never lose our real identities in the process to please others. Our apparent and abstract looks, our personality and attitude, our nature and behavior, our intelligence and emotional quotient, our strengths and weaknesses, our success and failures, our caste and creed, our friends and family are mostly the parameters which define us. We must never feel ashamed of it. In fact, we have to feel proud about it.

Unless we feel proud of ourselves, we will not be able to polish and groom our inner self-attributes. Undoubtedly, it will take time when we surface our lows. Come what may, we have to initiate it keep pushing the boundaries of our aura.

Remember, when we try to change according to them or copy them, we can always become a duplicate, but never an original. 

 

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